Sunday, May 8, 2011

FIFTEEN: The Most Amazing Show Ever - Episode X Recap

(A party hosted by Courtney was headed for disaster from the very beginning.)

Last Time on FIFTEEN: Brooke decided to run for Student Council President to the horror of everyone around her. Billy dumped Olaf as a friend. Brooke dumped Dylan's as a boyfriend. Dylan's in school concert was cancelled after Billy forgot to turn in Dylan's Matt assignment. Billy was all ooooh daaaaaamn!

Episode 10: The Party

Opening Credits: This is the one I've been waiting for folks! I love The Party! Partyin' partyin' YEAH! Partyin' Partyin' YEAH! Fun, Fun, Fun, Fun, Fun, Fun, Fun, Fun, Fuuuunnnn...

(Brooke screams at Theresa for passing up a chance to be on What Not To Wear.)

Hillside - Main Hall. Brooke storms in straight through the Locker Labyrinth and heads right for Theresa, who for once is not lurking but instead is doing homework right out in the open. She is back to wearing her trademark polka dot corduroy jumper shorts. Oh, boy. Brooke wants an apology from Lil Sis for the argument they had at the end of last episode. You'd think if it was such a big deal, they'd have mentioned it in the previouslies. Instead they rehash the whole thing right there. Theresa won't take back any of the mean things she called Brooke. Brooke tells her to DROP DEAD and storms off. So easy to recap!

Hillside - Boys Locker Room. Drunk Belligerent Matt is back in action and ready to confront Coach Williams after school. Jake is forced to sit there and listen to this latest tirade because he has no better options in his life. Coach Williams wants to change the offensive structure of the basketball team so it's not solely focused on its alcoholic captain. Matt is outraged! Jake can't even muster fake interest in what Matt's saying. He's still hung up on Courtney. Matt tells him to either shit or get off the pot when it comes to our favorite fashion disaster. Matt also uses the word tragic about 50 times. Everyone in this episode uses the word tragic about 50 times. Jake seems to stir up his courage to tell Courtney about his feelings, but then backslides into uncertainty. Matt leaves, because Jake is hopeless and this whole scene is boring.

(Matt accuses Jake of being tragically tragic. It's tragic.)

Hillside, Table In The Hallway. Olaf and Cindy are eating lunch and talking about Bart Simpson. Brooke comes over to inquire about the status of the recycling program. They tell her there is actually good news. Principal Zimmerman has decided to allow the program. Brooke immediately attaches herself to the victory. Olaf and Cindy are all "whatever, if you're so invested do you wanna help us assemble the boxes this afternoon?" Of course Brooke is busy helping her mom repaint the kitchen or she'd totes be there. Brooke leaves so that Olaf and Cindy can reflect on what a total asshole she is.

Hillside, Locker Labyrinth - Jake approaches Courtney in the crowded hall. Courtney is wearing a typically horrible outfit. Jake tries to tell her he likes her but he hems and haws and stalls for like 5 minutes so Courtney takes this time to review the whole situation with Dylan again, and decides that since Brooke is out of the picture, she's gonna go back to obsessing over him. Jake is less than pleased. Shoulda made your move sooner, buddy!

(Courtney doesn't know when. She doesn't know how. But she knows something's starting right now... Jake, watch and you'll see... someday she'll be... part of Dylan's WOOOORLD!!!)

Hillside, Girl's Locker Room - Brooke goes back and forth about whether or not to run for Student Council President, but Kelly and the viewing audience knows this is just an act and that she's going to run, so as not to let all her "supporters" down. Also? Brooke is gonna need Kelly to start spreading the word. Kelly agrees, and can't help but smile at how easy it is going to be to bring Brooke down once and for all!

(Kelly's heart is true. She's a pal and a confidante.)

Avalon - Stools of Doom. Matt is babbling on to Ashley about Coach Williams again and Ashley looks like she's ready to be put out of her misery. Matt tells her the same stuff he told Jake. Ashley tells him to do whatever he wants since he's gonna just do that anyway. Man, these scenes are so short! More time for the party later on!

(Dylan is the deadly cobra and Jake the wily mongoose.)

Hillside - Stairs of Sadness. Jake sees Dylan and summons him for a chat. He wants to know what's going on between him and Courtney. Dylan says nothing is going on and then he gets noticeably defensive about it. Jake orders Dylan to stop jerking Courtney around and to leave her alone! Dylan scoffs at Jake and tells him to stay the eff out of his business and stomps away. Ominous music plays!

(the plot thickens...)

Avalon – Side Table of Side Conversations. Kelly and Theresa meet and discuss how horrible Brooke is. Theresa can’t believe Brooke is serious about being Student Council President. What sucks the most is that Brooke is so greedy and the students at Hillside are so incredibly stupid, that she’ll probably win! Kelly tells Theresa not to worry. There is still plenty of time for something to go horribly wrong… The foundation for Brooke’s ultimate take down is being set!

(The Stairs of Sadness live up to their name!)

Hillside, Soda Machine. Jake sees Matt walking down the hall and goes to see how his talk with the coach went. So now at least we know it’s after school hours. Matt said it went great up to the point where the Coach kicked him off the team. Jake is all, "WHAAAAAT?" But yeah. It turns out Coach Williams wasn’t too keen on a drunken egomaniac telling him how to run the team, so he kicked him off. Funny how that happens. Matt at least has the good sense to seem humbled. Jake stupidly takes this moment to say “I told you so” and Matt freaks out. Jake decides to do a 180 turn then, and argues in support of Matt to Matt. What is Jake's deal?? Stick to one set of convictions! Jake wants Matt to talk to the Coach on Monday morning to try and clear the air. Matt’s not interested. All he wants to do is get wasted all weekend. Jake frets openly.

(Of COURSE Courtney would serve snacks at her party that were coated in MSG.)

Billy’s Dad’s Apartment aka Bachelor Pad of the Damned – Courtney and Billy prepare for the party. Billy thinks Courtney is setting the food out several hours too early. Courtney is wandering around in a haze only thinking about Dylan. She promises Billy the apartment won’t get trashed, but she seems to not really be considering the possibility either. Courtney wonders if Dylan will come since she left a note in his locker earlier that day. Billy freaks out because he doesn’t want to see Dylan, figuring Dylan blames him for his concert being canceled. Courtney assures him that’s not the case. Still Billy can't deal and runs into a back room, Courtney looks like she’s gonna run after him, but no! She was just going to fix things up on the far side of the couch. She’s so caring, that one.

Avalon – Loser’s Corner. Matt is not at the regular Loser’s Table, but he’s still a loser. Ashley tries to comfort him, but Matt’s not into talking about his feelings anymore. He’d much rather drink them away. Ashley wants to go to Courtney’s party that night together, but Matt can’t do that AND drink beforehand, so he tells her he’ll meet her there at 8:30pm and then bails (probably to go get liquor for later). Ashley twitches and pouts, showing signs that a complete mental breakdown is not too far in the offing.


Bachelor Pad of the Damned. The party is in full swing. Brooke and Kelly talk about Matt being kicked off the basketball team and they laugh and laugh. Kelly thinks it’s funny that both Matt and Dylan lost everything that mattered to them, as they were both linked to Brooke. Brooke claims she never really liked either of them anyway.

Ashley arrives wearing a winter coat that makes no sense. Courtney asks her where Matt is. Ashley first panics that he's not there, but then recovers and says he’ll be along. When Courtney takes her coat into the other room, Brooke and Kelly take the opportunity to prey on Ashley and her fragile mental state. They are like hungry hyenas! Ashlet tries to run from them but the apartment isn’t that big. Ashley goes to hide in the kitchen and before Brooke can follow her, Dylan shows up and they have an awkward meeting by the front door. Brooke tries to make it as light as possible and then scampers away.

(Hey, Kel! Didn't you order up a loser? He arrived in under 30 minutes!)

Then awesomeness happens. Courtney approaches Dylan and tells him how happy she is that he came when she thought he wouldn’t. Dylan gets all defensive again, asking why he wouldn’t. Courtney has no idea why… she’s just talking out of her ass right now. She reaches for a plausible explanation by mentioning that his concert for earlier that day was canceled, so maybe he wouldn't be in the mood. Dylan gets even more defensive. Courtney panics. Her conversation with Dylan is going so badly - even by her low standards! Then she makes it worse by GRABBING HIS ARM FOR NO REASON! She just latches on to him! HAHAHAHA!!!!

(Never Let Me Go...)

Dylan tries to shake her loose and it takes a couple yanks to break free. Then Billy comes running up and tries to apologize again. Dylan snits at him that it’s too late for that. Courtney decides this is a great time to grab Dylan’s arm AGAIN! HAHAHAHA!!!!

(Hold on to the night... hold on to the memory...)

Dylan breaks free (again) and tells the both of them to seriously get a grip. He shouts at Courtney - can’t she see he’s just not interested?? Then he storms out. It's tragic. Courtney is mortified. HOORAY! Brooke and Kelly immediately swoop in to let Courtney know it’s just as horrible a situation as she thinks it is. That the whole thing is just awful and totally embarrassing for her. Courtney wishes to be left alone, but they refuse. Nothing gets these girls going like schadenfreude.

(Courtney's public shame is the best thing ever.)

Ashley comes back in and sees Courtney upset. Brooke explains that Dylan just said the most awful things to Courtney. Courtney flees the room, and Ashley tries to go after her, but Jake shows up totally panicked. It’s Matt, he tells her. Where is he? What's wrong? He’s dead. Well, not really. But he’s in trouble and that’s all we find out. Ashley has to go with Jake right away. Ashley leaves Courtney in tears and doesn’t even stop to get her (totally unnecessary) coat on her way out the door. Ashley, Matt's not worth it!

(It's all down hill from here... HOORAY!)

NEXT TIME! ON FIFTEEN! Brooke accuses Kelly of losing her touch as Gossip Queen. Kelly vows to expose everyone’s secrets! Cindy pushes Dylan to apologize to Courtney and Billy. Kelly finds out about Matt’s drinking and tells Brooke. Brooke tells Matt that Ashley told her he’s an alcoholic. Matt dumps Ashley … FOR GOOD??? Tragic.

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