Friday, April 8, 2022

FIFTEEN SEASON TWO, EPISODE THREE: LETTERS, RUMORS AND LIES!


Last time on Fifteen: Dylan and Brooke were failing math. Janice was failing to make friends and influence people. Billy was failing as a drummer. Matt was failing to tell us his sister's name. Courtney was failing as a human being (as always). Let’s see if any of them can emerge from this episode with a passing grade!


Opening Credits Observations:  Considering that almost everyone is being spied on by somebody throughout this intro, it amazes me that Billy literally turns a kid upside down and shakes money out of him, and nobody in the hallway gives it a second glance.


Avalon – Main Booth of Bros Bonding. Matt sits alone looking through a magazine when Dave comes up to him. Dave looks better when he’s wearing a letterman jacket. Matt mopes about not being on the team anymore. Dave goes through his whole speech from last week, telling him to talk to Coach Williams about getting back on the team. Matt seems to actually consider it this time, so maybe we’ll see some movement on it this week!


Brooke’s Gigantor Bedroom. Brooke is still doing her homework that she was trying to complete all last episode.  Amanda comes in and tells her their dad wants her to know it’s time for school. Brooke is well aware of the time and also well aware of the fact there’s no point in her going to school if she doesn’t have her math homework done. Amanda tells us their dad thinks girls just aren’t good at math. At least we now know Brooke’s heinous attitudes and problems are as much nurture as nature. Brooke wants Amanda to leave. Amanda is like, “yeah, but school?” And Brooke is like, “Yeah, but get the fuck out and stop bothering me!” Man, sometimes these two are almost nice to each other, until they remember that they hate each other.


Avalon – Cashier's Counter of Cringey Conversations. Matt pays for something and goes to leave, when Janice walks in. He actually says hi to her! Very big of him! She takes the opportunity to grill him about why Courtney called her “irritating” last episode. Matt’s like, “Um… I'm not Courtney’s press agent, but I’m sure she didn’t really mean it?” Janice presses the issue further, asking him if he thinks it’s true. Matt is like, “Yeah, this is weird. I’m just gonna leave now...” Janice is dying inside! On one hand, I’m glad she’s getting a backbone about these idiots treating her badly for no reason. But on the other hand, she still hasn’t figured out how to have a normal human conversation that doesn’t make everyone really uncomfortable. You can do this, Janice!


Hillside - Locker Labyrinth.  Arseman and Courtney enter, and Arseman is swooning over the fact Jake sent another letter to Courtney. Courtney is loving the attention. She can’t believe this long distance romance is happening to her! But is it a long distance romance? Girl, maybe you two are just pen pals? Courtney doesn’t care. She likes it! She’s writing back to him, but won’t give Arseman a hint as to the tone or content of the letter. So obviously someone else will find and read her letter later and it will become a BIG DEAL.


Hillside – Main Entrance. Matt and Sister come in. Sister is still complaining about having no friends and no known name. Matt and I are both getting tired of her whining fast. He calls her by her name FINALLY. It’s Erin! She says it can’t be everyone else’s fault that no one wants to talk to her. It must be her own. I’d say it’s that when people do talk to her, she just walks away from them instead of continuing the conversation. Matt assures her she just needs to give it more time. Courtney comes over and says hi to Matt and then Erin. She asks Erin how things are going. Erin stares at her for a second and then walks away without saying a word. Erin, if you want people to talk to you, it requires that you RESPOND when asked direct questions! Courtney wants to know what her deal is, and Matt sums things up for her. Courtney’s like, ”well it’s only been a week” which again makes me wonder why she had to change schools in the first place.


Courtney asks Matt how he’s doing, in a way that actually means, “Hey, have you started drinking again?” Matt’s like, “What does that mean?” Courtney’s all, “Nothing! What does that mean?”  This awkwardness continues for some time. Matt asks if Courtney’s heard from Ashley, but she hasn’t yet. Matt confides that he might talk to Coach Williams about getting back on the basketball team. Courtney is very supportive of this move! It would give Matt something to live for! Matt continues being non-committal about doing it, but it seems pretty clear it’s going to happen now, so can we just get on with it, show? Thanks!


Avalon – Side Table of Side Glances. Amanda sits with some girl who looks like a total snot and never gets a name. Amanda asks Total Snot what she thinks of Dylan. Total Snot thinks Dylan’s hot. Amanda has ZERO CHANCE with Dylan, so why she’s entertaining this fantasy is beyond me. When they cut Theresa from the show, they should’ve cut the "Brooke’s little sister likes Dylan" storyline as well. Billy comes over and awkwardly tells the girls he’s a drummer in a band. They don’t care. Eventually he wanders away, as Billy always does.  Amanda think Billy is very, very strange. I mean, she’s not wrong.


Hillside – Losers' Lounge. Courtney is writing a letter to Jake. Matt comes over to say hi. He still hasn’t talked to Coach Williams, so nobody get excited. Courtney sees Arseman in the distance and asks Matt to watch her stuff for a minute while she goes to ask her a question. Courtney puts the letter under a book. As soon as Courtney leaves, curiosity gets the better of him and Matt reads the letter. Brooke comes up behind him and snoops a peek at the letter too. When she realizes what Courtney’s writing, she snatches the letter away from him and reads the rest. Matt snatches it back and scolds for reading a private letter. Brooke accurately points out that he had no problem reading it, but now Matt looks very embarrassed for doing so. Brooke marvels at the revelation that Courtney is in love with Jake. Matt asks Brooke to keep it to herself, and instead of laughing in his face, and then cackling to herself the rest of the way down the hall, Brooke just tells him not to worry about it. Matt is very worried, but not enough to give Courtney a head's up when she comes back that Brooke's totally about to screw with her, nor that he invaded her privacy. Class act, that guy.


Avalon – Counter of Crabby Musicians. Chris and Dylan argue about the band AGAIN. Chris wants the band to have more edge and finally enter the 90s. He also still wants to get rid of Billy. Dylan doesn’t want to talk about any of this shit anymore. Amanda comes over to make a fool of herself right before Dylan storms out. Chris wonders why Amanda is fawning over Dylan if she’s Billy’s girlfriend. Amanda freaks out and declares that she is not his girlfriend and that he just hangs around her all the time claiming to be a great drummer. Chris tells her it’s too bad because Chris just kicked him out of the band. Amanda actually seems the tiniest bit sorry for Billy upon hearing this total lie.


Hillside – Losers' Lounge. Erin is doing work when two girls approach her looking for an opinion. They want to know what Erin thinks about the book they’re reading in English. Careful not to make the same mistake Janice made with Courtney, Erin waits for them to tell her what she’s supposed to think of the book. When it’s clear she’s not supposed to like it, she offers, “it’s enough to make you gag, isn’t it?” It certainly is, Erin. It certainly is. Impressed to have her opinion parroted back at her, the main new girl introduces herself as Leah. Erin has a new friend!


Elsewhere in Losers’ Lounge, (maybe 2 feet away? Maybe they are actually using the same table for two simultaneous scenes?) Brooke is back to struggling with math homework. Arseman comes over to try and help her. Brooke finally accepts help from someone and appears truly grateful! As soon as Arseman tries to explain the problem, Brooke tries to get up and get some water. Arseman’s like, “Bitch, I’m not doing your homework for you. I’m just showing you how it works so you're not struggling with the same assignment for three episodes in a row!” Brooke figures it’s not worth trying to learn anything and packs up her stuff and leaves. Arseman and I are both stunned at how stupid Brooke is.


Hillside - Locker Labyrinth. Erin and Leah walk down the hall, with Erin agreeing with all of Leah's opinions. They run into Matt and Erin introduces them. He is happy to see his sister with a new friend. They run off, barely paying attention to him. So rude. Erin really annoys me.


Hillside - Girls Locker Room. Brooke and Courtney get changed after class. Brooke twists the knife about the letters Courtney’s been writing to Jake. She claims that everybody in school knows, and she thinks it’s great. Matt told her all about the letter he read. Oh Brooke, you devil! Courtney freaks out because she never let Matt read her letter! Brooke finds that surprising, since he had the whole thing memorized. Courtney shoves her way out of the locker room to go yell at Matt. Brooke is delighted. She is such a bitch. I love it.


Hillside – Random Bench in the Corner. Matt and Dave discuss Matt’s talk with Coach Williams. He finally did it. Matt tries to fake Dave out, but he actually got back on the team. Dave is thrilled! Courtney storms over and Dave totally doesn’t notice how angry she is. She is not in the mood to celebrate Matt’s good news. She asks Matt if he knows what she thinks about people who read private letters? Matt’s like, “Oh. Damn…” Courtney storms right off again and Dave gives us a  classic Fifteen delivery of, “Did I just miss something here?” Thanks, Dave!


Hillside – Locker Labyrinth. Erin is at a locker. Leah and her friends enter talking about a sleepover at Leah’s that Friday. Erin thinks it sounds like fun! Leah agrees and says that it’s gonna be wild and walks off. Erin somehow interprets this as not being invited to the party. Why? How? Obviously, Leah is including her with the rest of the group. Oh, this girl is getting on my last nerve!


Avalon – Main Booth of the Emotionally Manipulated. Courtney is angrily scribbling down answers to her homework. Janice hovers nearby, thinking of approaching her to discuss that whole “irritating” comment. OMIGOD, JANICE! NOW IS NOT THE TIME! Thankfully, Matt crosses in front of her and Janice just wanders off, waiting for a better opportunity. She’s learning! Matt tries to apologize, but Courtney doesn’t want to hear it. He explains that he was wrong to read the letter, and that when Brooke read it over his shoulder he asked her not to say anything. Realizing how Brooke once again succeeded in manipulating her, Courtney forgives Matt and their friendship is repaired. What a relief! I thought we’d still be dealing with the fall out of LetterGate in next week's episode! 


Dylan’s Garage Band. Chris suggests to Dylan that they steal some new equipment for the band. Man, Chris is a real winner in his early episodes. Dylan tells Chris that he’s heading for real trouble with that attitude. The transition music makes a very unusual "WAH WAH WAAAAAAH!" sound that makes me laugh at its absurdity.


Avalon – Counter of Crushed Dreams.
Amanda is returning from the restroom to join a group of unknown kids at the side table. Billy calls out to her and invites her to go see the band rehearse later that afternoon. She’s like, “Oh, they didn’t tell you yet? You’ve been kicked out of the band. Christ told me earlier that he and Dylan had decided. You’re history.” Seriously, that’s how nice she is delivering the news. Billy’s heart and brain explode simultaneously. Amanda just turns around and sits back down at her table as Billy runs out the door, presumably into oncoming traffic to end his miserable life. But we won’t find out what really happens to him until next week! It’s enough to make you gag, isn’t it?


Next time on Fifteen! Brooke’s season-long quest to finish her homework continues, Courtney’s ill-advised crush on Matt kicks in, Erin’s stupid misunderstanding with her dumb friends is hopefully resolved, and tensions in Dylan’s band continue to escalate. Also: Ashley finally returns to whisper sweet nothings in our ears! Hooray!

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