FIFTEEN SEASON TWO, EPISODE SEVEN: THE NICENESS CAMPAIGN

Last Time on Fifteen: Ashley returned, and everyone immediately had a cow. Courtney called off her date with Matt, possibly retriggering his DRINKING PROBLEM. Janice continued to accurately tell everyone what awful human beings they all are. Through it all, Brooke delighted in everyone’s misery. It was pretty amazing.

Avalon – Main Booth of Boyfriend Stealers. Courtney sits alone, doing homework and looking miserable. Arseman comes in all cheerful! Courtney, through 5 minutes of exposition, reminds her about all the miserable stuff that happened to them last week. Arseman’s like, “Oh yeah. I forgot that since YOU have problems, I shouldn’t be allowed to smile.” Courtney is upset because she thought Matt would come to the same conclusion that they shouldn’t date since Ashley is back, but he didn’t! And Ashley won’t even talk to her about what’s going on, which Courtney takes REALLY personally. She is unjustified in feeling this way. She made no effort to talk to Ashley about anything for weeks, now she’s all, “Wait, why aren’t we talking?” Arseman figures Ashley will talk when she’s ready. Courtney contemplates cornering Ashley and forcing the issue. I’m sure she’ll make the worst decision possible here.

Hillside – Stairway to Nowhere. It’s the Trio of Extra Girls again! Stacy sees them and asks if they’ve seen Brooke. They haven’t and they are glad of it. One girl asks Stacy is she actually likes Brooke. It’s a reasonable assumption that Stacy could just be using Brooke for something other than friendship, since Brooke has never shown any capacity for being a good friend. Brooke’s house is huge and her family is rich. There's probably a fantastic pool in the backyard that would make spending time with Brooke something you could rationalize. But Stacy insists she likes Brooke as a person. None of the girls can understand this. They know Brooke is a witch. Brooke comes by, overhears them talking about her and stomps away. Stacy runs off after her, already exhausted by the fact that Brooke is going to blame her for this. Stacy has hours of listening to Brooke's tedious whining ahead of her. It really sucks to be Stacy.

Avalon- Pinball Wizard Room. Dylan is playing, while Billy whines about how his Dad is always making plans with him and then bailing. Dylan actually seems to be paying better attention to what Billy is saying than I am. His Dad has a new girlfriend! Good for him! Billy wants to know from Dylan how to seem more mature to girls. Still not over Amanda, Billy?? Dylan tells him to fake it like everyone else. Billy loves lying to himself, so faking things seems like great advice!

Hillside – Losers Lounge. Stacy approaches a brooding Brooke. She goes into delusional soothing mode, but Brooke kind of gets that she sucks and everyone knows that she sucks. Brooke claims that she’s not a mean person, but all the same, she is going to make a special effort to be nice so people understand her better. They understand you just fine, Brooke. I can’t wait to watch all of this backfire on her.

Hillside – Girls Locker Room. Courtney and Ashley are getting changed after gym. Courtney tries to extend an olive branch to Ashley and see how she’s doing. Ashley gives very surface answers and will not engage in conversation. Courtney basically throws it down in an, “Are We Even Friends Anymore?” kind of way. Ashley is not in the mood to deal with Courtney’s feelings AT ALL. She is dealing with too much shit and Courtney is not factoring into it (yet!). Courtney stares at her in disbelief. Has Ashley really changed so much in the past few weeks? Maybe Courtney just never bothered to pay attention to who Ashley really was in the first place? That seems more likely to me.  

Hillside – Stairway to Nowhere. Chris approaches Dylan.  It takes 2 minutes of arguing to establish that Dylan is going to meet Chris at the garage really soon to discuss the lead singer situation. Chris is about as big a jerk about it as possible.

Avalon – Counter of the Contrite. Ashley is getting a drink as Brooke and Stacy approach. Brooke tries to make casual conversation and then asks Ashley if she wants to hang out. Hold the phone. THIS is how Brooke is going to show people she is nice? By approaching the people she’s hurt the most and ask if they want to be pals? She should start with neutral parties as opposed to the openly hostile. Brooke is clueless. Ashley, for obvious reasons, just asks Brooke what she really wants. Brooke swears her intentions are pure, but Ashley’s not wasting another second on her and walks away. Brooke turns to Stacy and is like, “You see?” Stacy is no help. The Niceness Campaign is off to a fantastic start.

Hillside – Stairway to Nowhere. Courtney runs into Matt and asks him how he’s doing. He think it depends on what she means. They hem and haw about this for roughly an hour before Matt gets annoyed by it. Courtney just FEELS BAD and wants Matt to be okay with them not going out. She wants to be friends, and she’s not just saying that! Matt’s like, “sounds great” but it still seems considerably less than great by his tone. He walks into the Losers Lounge where Arseman is eating lunch. When Matt sits down, she goes over and tries to be there for him. He swears everything is fine even as his depression becomes more apparent by the minute. At this rate, a resurgence of his DRINKING PROBLEM is on its way in no time. Hooray!

Elsewhere in the Losers Lounge at lunch, Leah tries to trade her corned beef sandwich for Erin’s lunch. Erin can’t switch because she is... vegetarian. Secret shame! Will people accept her? Never fear! Arseman is vegetarian too! Veggie friends! Billy strides over and starts talking about being a hunter. He is trying to impress them. He is so stupid! No one at that table is going to like him more for shooting Bambi. Arseman is particularly interested in calling bullshit on him until he runs away. Try for a less off-putting lie next time, Billy!

Dylan’s Garage Band. Ashley comes in and hears someone on the guitar thinking it’s Dylan. But it’s Chris. Chris tries to make moves on Ashley and it’s CREEPY! Dylan thankfully enters and breaks it up. The tension between Dylan and Chris skyrockets! But if clips from the show’s intro are to be believed, Chris and Ashley will eventually be on much better speaking terms. Gross.

Hillside – Locker Labyrinth.  Arseman is taking an indirect route with Courtney, trying to get her to talk about Matt and Ashley. Arseman asks if she told Ashley about almost dating Matt. Of course, Courtney hasn’t! How is she supposed to do that? Ashley doesn’t want to talk to her about anything. Arseman gets it, but gently pushes her on it, because it wasn’t a secret they were going on a date and the news is bound to get back to Ashley. Probably in the next scene, even!

Avalon - Main Booth of Major Revelations. Matt approaches Ashley in the booth and eventually asks to sit down. They have some small talk before Matt drops the bombshell that he asked Courtney out while she was gone and Courtney said yes. Ashley’s brain explodes all over the room. She collects her scattered brain matter and her books, wishes him the best with Courtney and runs out into the street. We'd hear her screaming if she wasn't always so quiet. Matt looks shocked, as if that wasn’t what he was expecting from her at all. I think that was the best reaction he could’ve hoped for, honestly.

Hillside – Losers Lounge. Billy is STILL trying to talk to Leah and Erin about hunting. FOR FUCK’S SAKE, STOP. Arseman thankfully comes by (again) and shuts this line of stupidity down for good. Seriously, shut up, Billy! The girls all laugh about how stupid Billy is and it's richly deserved.

Avalon – Pinball Wizard Room. Dylan is playing pinball as Brooke, Stacy and the Niceness Campaign Train pull into the station.  This is another lost cause. It’s like she doesn’t remember that time last season when she dated Dylan for a hot second and then dumped him in front of everyone when he got in trouble at school. So Brooke’s like, “What’s new?” and Dylan’s like, “Me… talking to you!” BURN! Brooke soldiers on, offering her help with anything if he ever needs it. She means homework, but Dylan suggests laundry instead. He shouts out Brooke’s requests to do laundry to everyone in the Avalon. She is HUMILIATED and runs off. Stacy follows, but seems to really enjoy watching Brooke be shot down by all these people. Chris comes over to Dylan and wants to argue more about how Dylan shot him down earlier with Ashley. He tells Dylan to never do it again! These two are going to kill each other. They should not be friends.

Brooke’s Gigantor Bedroom. The Niceness Campaign is over. It was a total failure. Brooke is seething. Stacy tries to put a positive spin on Brooke’s many rejections, but Brooke is not having it. She is going back to being brutally honest and if anyone doesn’t like it they can shove it. For instance, Brooke wants to talk about Stacy’s outfit. It looks like someone threw it on Stacy with a pitchfork. Brooke is not wrong. The outfit is terrible. Hooray for the return of Brutally Honest Brooke!

Avalon – Counter of Confrontation! Ashley storms in, finds Courtney and gets all up in her face. Has Ashley been running around looking for Courtney this whole time? She could’ve just stayed in the Avalon with Matt and waited for Courtney to show up and yelled at both of them at once.  Anyway, Ashley wastes little time throwing Courtney’s words back at her. It’s great that Courtney wants Ashley to talk about what’s going on with her, while making no mention of the fact Courtney was planning to date Matt! Courtney’s tries to protest that it isn’t a fair comparison, but Ashley unfriends her anyway, right on the spot. With that, Ashley is once again running out the door. Today's Special on the Avalon's menu is Delicious Drama!

Next Time on Fifteen. Brooke gives Stacy a successful makeover, then gets really jealous and tries to undermine her. Matt’s DRINKING PROBLEM once again becomes a Hot Topic. Billy starts fantasizing about Ashley when she auditions to be the lead singer of Dylan’s Band. It's tragic and glorious. Join me, won't you?

SYTYCD 16 - [Long Delayed!] Encore Finale: This Season's Favorite Routines and America's Favorite Dancer!

Hello again, DanceFans. It has been a long while. Over the many years SYTYCD has been on the air, I grew increasingly superstitious about posting a final episode recap until I knew the show had been renewed for another season. So the Season 16 finale recap sat for a WHILE waiting for a Season 17 renewal. And it finally arrived! Season 17 was coming our way in the summer of 2020! At least it was supposed to be there for us. As we all know, COVID-19 took over the country just as auditions were about to get under way. What would happen to our Shot of Shows? Turns out, it took a loooong hiatus. Other dance competition shows came back over the following two years, but SYTYCD remained on the sidelines. I never fully gave up hope it would return, but I still kept this final Season 16 recap in drafts until I was sure it'd be back on our screens. And tonight, Season 17 finally premieres! There will be changes. Nigel, Mary,  Laurieann and D-Trix are all off the judging panel for a "refreshed" experience. At least we still have Cat hosting! I'm excited to see what this long delayed Season 17 will be, and how the new judges will bounce off of each other and connect with the dancers. But right now, let's wrap up Season 16. When we left off (roughly two years ago), 3 Contempos and 1 B-Boy remained in contention for the title. Who's gonna take the 16th crown as America's Favorite Dancer?

Cat kicks off the two-hour finale by welcoming the full top 10 back for a group number. Decked out in red, they bring the energy! It's a fun mix of partner work and solos. This was a group that had great chemistry together. I hope they have a lot of fun on tour together!

Cat introduces the judges one more 'gain and they all look fab for the occasion.  Nigel Lythgoe, Mary Murphy, Laurieann Gibson and Dominic “D-Trix” Sandoval. They judges will be selecting their favorite routines of the season for encore performances and the finalists will be choosing their favorites as well. Along the way there will be laughs, tears and surprises. Everything we love about this show!

Laurieann's Encore Choice #1: Mariah and Bailey - hip hop routine to Lizzo's "Tempo" with choreography by Luther Brown. It's even better than the first time and the first time was pretty dope. Bailey and Mariah were a great partnership this season. 

Nigel's Encore Choice #1: Ezra and Madison - jazz routine to “You Can Leave Your Hat On” by Joe Cocker, with choreography by Ray Leeper. This was a great moment for them on the show. Definitely worthy another look. These two dance with a great connection and clearly having a great time tonight.

Dominic's Encore Choice #1: Sophie and Eddie - contemporary routine to “When the Party’s Over” by Billie Eilish with choreography by Travis Wall. This was not my favorite routine during the season, but it was a good highlight for Eddie. Sophie's very strong. There's honestly nothing wrong with it, I just feel when compared to previous "mattress routines" in SYTYCD history this one doesn't stand out for me.  

Mariah's Choice: Contemporary with Bailey to “Slide” by James Bay, choreographed by Mandy Korpinen and Elizabeth Petrin. Up on the roof! I'm glad there was enough space backstage to store this set piece since Top 8 week. I'm still in love with the smoke coming out of the chimney. And also the dancing! Are they taking the roof on tour with them? Anyway, solid choice from Mariah. It's a great showcase for them and it's no surprise why it's so special to her.

Mary’s Encore Choice #1: Gino and Stephanie - jive routine to “Long Tall Sally” by Little Richard choreographed by Emma Slater and Sasha Farber. This routine is great fun. I can't believe it landed Stephanie in the bottom two and then eliminated! I wish we could've spent more time with her this season. It's great to see her back with Gino having a blast.

Encore Group Performance - “Enough” by Travis Wall featuring the Top 10. We are not seeing a lot of taped group numbers in this encore finale, which I appreciate, but I'm glad we got to see this one again. It's incredibly emotional and all the dancers just throw themselves into the movement. So beautiful. Great work, all.

Dominic's Encore Choice #2: Anna and Benjamin - Broadway routine to “I’ll Be Seeing You” by Tank and the Bangas choreographed by Aloe Blackstone. So smooth and great storytelling. Benjamin is another dancer I wish we had more time with this season. Can't we get a longer season? 

Mary's Encore Choice #2: Gino and All-Star Comfort - Hip Hop routine to “Get Up” by Ciara featuring Chamillionaire, choreographed by Luther Brown. Mary's choices are all Gino all the time! This is a fun routine with good synchronicity and Comfort never ceases to impress.

After a brief audition montage, Nigel brings out Phoebe Kochis. It's so much fun to see her onstage! I'm glad she got to fulfill her dream to perform on stage. She looks radiant!

Sophie’s Choice (!!!): Contemporary with Gino to “You Will Be Found” from Dear Evan Hansen, choreographed by KC Monnie. This was Sophie and Gino's first dance following the elimination of their other partners. These two definitely had a much stronger dance chemistry than they did with Eddie and Stephanie. In the end, Sophie is crying as is her Dad in the audience. Hang in there, Dad! We're almost at the end.

Next up the Top 10 are joined by all-stars and SYTYCD power couple Cyrus “Glitch” Spencer and Lauren Froderman. These two will join the Top 10 on tour and their powers combine for a powerful hip-hop routine choreographed by Luther Brown. Costumes, hair and makeup are all on point too. I hope these kids have fun traveling the country this fall!

Dominic's Encore Choice #2 - Top 3 Women - jazz routine  “I Can’t Stand the Rain” by Tina Turner choreographed by Ray Leeper. The encore is great, but before the routine, we get a clip of Dom's original audition for SYTYCD from roughly one million years ago. Mary's a brunette! Dominic's a baby! Nigel's got long hair! What a journey it's been for them! If we saw a clip of Cat, she'd look exactly the same.

Mary’s Encore Choice #3 - Bailey and All-Star Koine - Broadway routine to “Mambo Italiano” by Dean Martin, choreographed by Al Blackstone. Three picks for Mary? Okay! Bailey is a born entertainer. He lights up the stage and Koine shines so bright on her own. Two stars a'blazing! Bravo! They finish the dance and the crowd is chanting “Bailey! Bailey!” This dude has to win.

Laurieann’s Encore Choice #2 - Top 3 Men - Contemporary to “Amen” by Amber Run choreographed by Talia Favia. These three are so good together! This is definitely one of the best routines of the whole season and one that will stand out across the series. The staging and lighting are top level as well. The studio audience can't get enough of it.

Gino’s Choice: Jazz with Sophie to “T-R-O-U-B-L-E" by Elvis Presley choreographed by Jonathan Redavid. This is probably my personal favorite from the two of them. They're movement is smooth, Their looks are so polished. Chemistry is locked in. It's great fun. 

Bailey’s Choice: Jazz with Mariah to “Need You Tonight” by INXS choreographed by Ray Leeper. Leeper did some great routines this season! A SYTYCD power couple for the ages, Bailey and Mariah can do no wrong. I wish them the best for incredibly successful careers after the show.

It’s time for some results! Cat is ready to tell us who came in 4th out of these four incredible dancers. Fourth place is…Sophie! This is not a huge surprise. The only surprise here would've been if Bailey was in 4th. It's such a tight competition. Sophie's had an amazing journey this season! Congrats!

Nigel's Encore Choice #2: Gino and Bailey -  jazz routine to "Girl from Ipanema" by Al Blackstone. Before they begin, Nigel notes how short the competitive season was this year (for real!) and they have such incredible dancers, that next year he wants to drop the academy and have a Top 20. The audience cheers! I feel like he said something similar last year and we still had a Top 10 this year. But maybe things will change. Gino and Bailey have a great on stage rapport and this dance is wonderful the second time through.

Laurieann's Choice #3: Ezra with All-Star Gabby - contemporary routine to"Ne me quitte pas” by Jacques Brel, choreographed by Robert Roldan. It's so good! Ezra didn't make the final, but he should be really proud of his work in this piece and I'm glad it got the final slot.

Cat calls the Top 3 back to the stage for some more results. The difference between coming in second and third place was less than one percent! I believe it. But bronze medal status goes to Gino! In the end Bailey and Mariah were the couple that could not be beaten!

No more stalling! Crown the Season 16 champion! Cat opens her envelope and show's it to Bailey to read! He so sweetly and quietly reads his own name out loud. Congrats to the first B-Boy to ever win So You Think You Can Dance! The confetti cannons go off and his fellow contestants rush the stage swarming him with joyous hugs. Cat wraps it all up and as the final seconds of the season tick down, Bailey is hoisted into the air on the Benjamin and Ezra's shoulders in triumph.

It was a beautiful ending. COVID-19 may have cheated us out of our Show of Shows in 2020 AND 2021, but it's back tonight, DanceFans. Enjoy! 

FIFTEEN SEASON TWO, EPISODE SIX: THE RETURN OF ASHLEY FRASIER!

Last Time, on Fifteen: Dylan found Ashley hanging around in his garage. Brooke found new resources of bitchery within herself. Janice found out Dylan did not have the hots for her. Courtney and Matt found out they had the hots for each other. Just wait until everyone finds out Ashley's returning to Hillside!

(Note: As I was taking the screen caps for this episode way back when, I accidentally hit the closed captioning button on Youtube, and words started popping up at the bottom of the frame. I realize this is how closed captioning usually works. However, most of the captions had little resemblance to what was actually being said. Apparently, the captioning can't translate Canadian! Watching the show with the volume down and the captions on creates a whole different kind of nonsensical adventure. Sometimes, however, these wrong words line up in just the right way for a kind of Dark Side of The Rainbow experience. Enjoy them for the rest of Season 2!).

Dylan’s Garage Band. Dylan is jamming away, playing a groovy tune on his guitar. Ashley wanders in and reports to him that she finally told her parents she wouldn’t be returning to private school. Dylan assumes they had a cow, and in fact, they DID have a cow! Ashley refused to back down, so she’ll be returning to Hillside. In the process she has wrecked her relationship with her parents. Dylan’s all, "Been there done that, tie-dyed the t-shirt."  He assumes she’s coming to school with him this morning, but that would make too much sense. Ashley wants to start off her return to school on the right foot, by ditching class. Dylan leaves her to her crazy ways, and tells her he’ll be back to check on her at lunch. Ashley is really appreciative of his help. When are these two gonna start dating already?

Hillside – Locker Labyrinth. Courtney is moaning to Arseman about her romantic problems regarding Matt and Jake and I could've sworn this got resolved last week, but I guess not? Arseman speaks for the audience when she says she doesn’t understand what the problem is. Yeah, Matt dated Ashley, but Ashley doesn’t even live in the same city as them anymore. Plus they broke up well before she went away. And it’s not like Courtney promised to be Jake’s girlfriend when he came back from China. So if Courtney wants to go out with Matt, she should just get over herself and do it. Matt lumbers over and Arseman exits under all the impending awkwardness. Courtney stammers and stammers, but finally tells Matt she will in fact go out with him. He positively beams, as if going out on a date with Courtney is something that doesn't always end in disaster for everyone.

Avalon – Main Booth of Many Problems. Janice sits alone, drinking a drink that is sorely lacking in alcohol. She gets up to go, when she’s ambushed by Brooke and Stacy. They want to know what happened at Dylan’s garage yesterday. Janice stares at them distrustfully and slumps away without telling them anything. Brooke knows an unhappy camper when she sees one and vows to Stacy that they will get to the bottom of what happened. Stacy rolls her eyes behind Brooke’s back, because she has no fucking interest in investigating the non-drama that is Dylan and Janice.

Hillside – Locker Labyrinth. Brooke and Stacy rush over to Dylan. Out of concern for Janice, Brooke wants to know what on earth happened between them yesterday. Are his intentions pure? Dylan tells them he invited her over to talk about homework. Brooke has a lot of trouble believing this, which is weird considering she has been banging her head against homework troubles for the first four episodes of the season. It's a pretty straightforward explanation, but it just won't do! More detective work is required.

Hillside – Losers Lounge. Billy sits down next to Amanda and starts talking to her about all the cool things he’ll be doing with his dad this weekend. Amanda does not care. She has never cared about anything that Billy has ever said to her. She has NO INTEREST in him. Why won’t he take the hint? Finally, Amanda is like “LISTEN. I DON’T LIKE YOU! YOU’RE AN IMMATURE DUMMY. BACK OFF.” Amanda storms off and Billy’s left there like, “Is that the way girlfriends should speak to the boyfriends they love?”

Avalon - Side Booth of Side Conversations. Brooke is trying to figure out what the deal is with Dylan and Janice while Stacy sips her soda through a straw, bored out of her ever-lovin’ mind. Stacy suggests maybe they don’t have to think so much about it, since it has nothing to do with them and it isn’t their business. Brooke insists it IS there business because people are ignoring her questions. Stacy doesn’t respond, but she makes this face, like… Guys, Stacy is so over Brooke.  This is not the power friendship she signed up for. Finally, Brooke realizes Dylan WAS telling the truth about homework and that there was never any kind of romance involved in it and off they run to shove it in Janice's face!

Hillside - Locker Labyrinth. Amanda runs into Janice and asks her about Dylan. Amanda is dripping with jealousy and can’t see that Janice is desperately trying to avoid everyone like a frightened, wounded animal. Brooke and Stacy storm in and Brooke fakely tells Janice not to worry about Dylan using her for homework help. Janice again leaves without saying a word to these harpies. Amanda is thrilled to learn Dylan isn’t interested in Janice, but Brooke quickly tells her that Dylan doesn’t give two shits about Amanda either. Satisfied with the mischief that's been managed, Brooke heads off with Stacy in tow. As Stacy passes her by, Amanda calls her out. “She’s my sister. I have to put up with her. What’s your excuse?” Stacy cringes. Her suspicions that Brooke might be a truly horrible person are now being confirmed by outside sources!

Dylan’s Garage Band.  Dylan enters to find that Ashley has been sitting in a chair staring at the wall all morning.  Ashley still doesn’t want to go to school, but facing her former friends and the questions they’ll have for her is better than sitting in that smelly garage for the rest of the day. Dylan thinks everyone will understand, but Ashley knows she’s been away long enough for everything to have changed. Plus, I don’t think she really cares about any of them. She just doesn’t want the weight of their opinions coming down on her. Whatever! The plot has to move forward at some point, so they leave the garage together and head to school.

Hillside – Boys Locker Room. Matt and Dave change after… lunch time drills? It can’t be after school. I don’t understand why they are doing this in the middle of the day. Dave fluffs Matt’s ego by explaining how much better Matt is at basketball than he is. Matt explains the only reason this is true is because Dave is short and untalented! That’s the only difference between them! Oh, and Dave is also single and unloved while Matt has a new chance at romance with Courtney this Friday! Everything in Matt’s life is finally coming together again! Now he’s waiting to get hit by a bus to even things out. That bus is named Ashley, Matt, and she’s speeding toward you with no working breaks, while you're tying your shoelaces in the crosswalk. Brace for impact!

Hillside – Losers Lounge. Courtney and Arseman giggle happily about Courtney’s date on Friday. Cutting through their happiness comes Brooke’s voice screaming, “ASHLEY??!” Courtney and Arseman leap up and run down the hall, finding Brooke standing with Ashley and Dylan. This is one of my favorite moments in the whole series, because it’s one of the rare times more than 4 people are in a scene together. Despite the show having a cast of 16 credited characters, 95% of all the scenes are really between 2 or 3 people at most. It’s only on a few rare occasions where they are all in the same shot talking together. Ashley apologizes for not telling them that she was home. Courtney and Arseman still don’t really get it, asking if she got a few days off from private school. Ashley’s like, “Nope! Well, gotta run!” and runs away from them – but not before literally bumping into Matt who looks as if he’s seen a ghost. 

Matt tries to slow her down but Dylan interferes. Kind of a dick move by Dylan. He doesn’t need to suddenly be Ashley’s protector. He definitely enjoys being more in the know than the rest of Ashley’s friends, though. Brooke is about to explode if she doesn’t get a clear answer to what this all MEANS. Dylan thinks it’s pretty clear without having to spell it out for her. More of the cast descends the Stairway to Nowhere as they argue, so you know the news of Ashley's return will be everywhere in no time. Nice scene, kids!

Hillside – Girls Locker Room. Janice is changing from gym. It must be some time later in the day because Arseman is with her as well, and we just saw her in the hallway with the others.  Janice and Arseman are basically wearing the same outfit - white shirt and salmon shorts. It’s… an interesting choice, by the costume department.  Anyway, Janice is sad and Arseman investigates. Janice explains to her that she has no friends at Hillside and she doesn’t know what she’s doing wrong. Instead of acting like an actual friend, Arseman implies that it’s really Janice’s fault for coming on too strong. Janice is like, “Fuck off, Fakey. I’m so over trying to be friends with you people. It just sucks that there are no decent people in this school.” Janice leaves Arseman alone to reflect on her inner awfulness.

Hillside – Losers Lounge. Leah fills Erin in on the details of Ashley being back. They assume that she ran away from private school and that the police could be looking for her. They are also concerned she showed up with “Dylan Heavy Metal,” which I guess is Dylan’s official last name now. We'll hyphenate it as Heavy-Metal. Works for me!

Hillside – Stairway to Nowhere. Courtney and Arseman race down the stairs to pump Dylan Heavy-Metal for details. He tries to stonewall them, but they persist. Finally he lets them know that she stood up to her parents and refused to go back to private school, so she’s now gone back to attending their hell hole of a school. He also admits she’s been home for a few days. Courtney is scandalized! Why wouldn’t Ashley tell her something like that?! I don’t know, Courtney. Maybe because you haven’t written or spoken to her the entire time she’s been away? That could possibly be why.

Dylan leaves and Arseman and Courtney process this new information on their own. Just to twist the knife deeper, Arseman’s like “Hey, what about you dating Ashley’s ex-boyfriend now that she’s back in town?” Courtney’s like, “Yeah, thanks for reminding me. FUCK ALL OF THIS.” She wanders off shaking her head. Ashley is already ruining everything!

Brooke’s Gigantor Bedroom. Brooke is on cloud nine, gloating to Stacy about all the juicy gossip that unfolded at school today. Janice was humiliated. Ashley returned in disgrace. Everyone is thrown! What could be better? Brooke is sure that Ashley got kicked out of private school as a result of nobody being able to stand her. She continues to delight in Ashley’s pain until Stacy can stand no more. Stacy gently asks Brooke if she couldn’t be just a little bit of a nicer person instead of being a heinous bitch 24/7. Brooke goes on the attack, saying she’s an honest person who speaks her mind and there’s nothing wrong with that. Sometimes Brooke thinks Stacy is the one with the attitude problem. Stacy backs off, but you can tell from this moment forward, Stacy will be looking for the right time to get the hell out of this friendship.

Avalon – Main Booth of Many Sad Faces. Matt comes over to Courtney who’s sitting alone, all nervous-like. They discuss how bizarre it is to have Ashley back out of the blue. Matt wants to move forward with their plans, but Courtney is calling the whole thing off. Ashley being back changes everything. It’s too complicated and Courtney doesn’t want to deal with it. She’ll just stick with her back up plan of having a pen pal boyfriend in China. She leaves. Dave wanders over. You can assume he is always watching Matt from just a short distance away. He asks Matt how he’s doing. Matt’s like, “Perfect. The bus has shown up right on time to run me over." This kid could use a drink. If only he didn’t suffer from an alcohol problem!

Next Time, on Fifteen! Ashley’s return continues to ruin friendships and destroy lives. Billy continues to hit on girls who despise him. Brooke goes on a "Niceness Campaign" with disastrous results. Be here to read all about it along with the bizarre closed captions!