Opening Credits Observations: Are Ashley and Arsemen playing one keyboard at the same time while singing into one microphone? Dylan's band has got problems.
Avalon – Main Booth for Mopers. Now for an opening scene that makes no sense! We immediately kick things off with a new round of “And You Are…?” The new girl is Matt’s sister, but we don’t learn her name despite several justifiable opportunities for Matt to say it just so we’d know it. For the time being she'll be known as Sister. They sit across from each other looking sad. Sister doesn’t like Hillside. Grade school was better! Matt explains that she’ll get used to it eventually. Wait, did she just start there? Has there been a time jump? No, Dylan stops by to tell us Ashley left only three days ago. But they are well into the school year at this point, considering everything that happened in the first season was part of the same year. Sister also has no idea who Dylan. She should at least know him by way of his bad reputation. Why do you do this to me, show? Matt says Sister will be fine and asks if he’s ever lied to her. She says he hasn’t, which means we should expect Brooke to be around in no time to ask Sister about Matt's terrible drinking problem which she likely knows nothing about.
Hillside – Losers' Lounge. Speaking of Brooke, Janice creeps up on her as she struggles with math homework. This is not going to go well. Janice tries to introduce herself to Brooke and Brooke just hisses, “I KNOW WHO YOU ARE!” Janice seriously does not know how to read a room. Brooke is the absolute LAST person who would be nice to a New Kid in school. She positively thrilled at ridiculing Olaf last season before stealing his notes. Even though Janice practically begs Brooke to let her do the math homework for her, Brooke refuses to entertain the idea. She scoops up her books and stomps off. Janice looks ready to kill herself. Oh, jeez. Hold on for one more day, Janice.
Brooke sees Dylan by the stairs and approaches him for an apology. Dylan can’t imagine what he’d apologize for. Brooke isn’t over his “flush yourself down a toilet” line from last episode. Dylan has no fucks to give about Brooke. He lets her know that nobody buys her innocent act anymore. Brooke tries to act indignant but Dylan just breezes past her. We can see that it’s starting to sink in for Brooke that maybe – just maybe! – everyone on this show totally hates her.
Avalon – Pinball Wizard Room. Courtney and Billy eat lunch together in the back booth. Courtney tries to see how things are going with Billy, since they now live with different parents thanks to DIVORCE. Courtney is usually too wrapped up in her own drama to give a shit about Billy, but she's feeling generous today. Billy says things are FINE, but then goes into much detail about how much their parents suck and how negligent his dad is. Courtney tries to trash talk their parents for mistreating Billy, but Billy is just like “HEY. I SAID EVERYTHING IS FINE.” Then Courtney just grabs her bag and leaves the table without saying another word to her desperately-in-need-of-comfort-brother. She always chooses the worst possible move!
Chris wanders through the Locker Labyrinth and comes across Arseman, calling her “Sunshine.” She’s all, “EXCUSE ME??” Chris is like, “Was that sexist?” (Is "Hey, Sunshine!" the Canadian equivalent of "Why don't you smile more?") Arseman is all, “Whatever, just try not be a total dick all the time.” And he’s like “Sorry… buttercup!” and runs off so pleased with himself. Brooke spins around the corner and tells Aresmen she thinks Chris is bad news. Arseman gives her this death glare and is like, “I’m not so fucking stupid that I can’t figure that out.” Brooke shoots back, “You never know.” and strides off as the Goofy Transition Music plays. Does the show think Brooke zinged Arseman? She didn’t. Maybe they just thought they’d been overplaying the Ominous Transition Music so far this episode.
Hillside - Random Bench In the Hallway. Courtney (in jeans!) approaches Matt (also in jeans). It takes about 25 seconds for her to determine if it’s okay if she sits down with him. OMG, Courtney. SIT. DOWN. She apologizes for not telling him that Ashley was leaving. They go through the whole thing that happened last episode and it’s boring. Courtney asks Matt if he is alright and he insists he is. He’s even saved up enough money for "that new Rod Stewart tape! What more could a guy want?" A couple things, Matt. At least a couple things.
Avalon - Counter of Courtship. Amanda is sitting reading a book, and Billy is trying to awkwardly engage her in conversation. Brooke watches from the payphone. It’s clear Amanda her ZERO INTEREST in Billy, so eventually he goes away. Brooke comes by and tells Amanda she thinks it’s great she likes Billy, and she is going to spread the news all around the school. Amanda is ready to flip her shit at the very idea of it.
Hillside – Losers' Lounge. Everyone is hanging out over here in this episode! Matt and Sister sit as he peppers her with questions about her day at school. (Example - Matt: Did you learn anything? Sister: No.) Sister hates being at this new school and it’s lunch and all she has is an egg salad sandwich her stupid mother made her when her mom knows she hates egg salad! Can I just say that I thought it was lunch back when Courtney and Billy were eating at the Avalon a million scenes ago? How can it still be lunch? These kids never have class. That must be why Dylan and Brooke still can’t do simple math. Anyway, Matt decides to spend his Rod Stewart Tape Money on buying Sister a decent lunch at the Avalon. Matt’s (temporarily) the best!
Avalon – Pinball Wizard Room. Dylan and Billy talk about how awful Billy's parents are. But even if everything else falls apart, at least he has the band! I love how obvious the show makes it that there is no chance Billy won't get kicked out of the band. I honestly can’t remember now if it takes the entire season for Dylan to get to the point where he cuts him. We'll see! This show never misses a chance to drag something out. Billy also asks Dylan if Amanda ever mentions him in conversation. Dylan is like, “Why on Earth would I ever have a conversation with Amanda about anything?” Billy’s like, “Ok! Just wondering…” and wanders off to push his feelings deep down inside of him. Billy is a ticking time bomb.
Hillside – Locker Labyrinth. Courtney and Arseman discuss if Matt is truly doing better or just drinking again to kill the pain. Arseman suggests that Courtney spend more time with Matt as a friend since Jake is away right now in China. If Arseman was around in Season 1, she’d know that every single time Courtney spends any time with a boy, she immediately falls in love with him. So there is no way that’s not going to happen with Matt approximately 30 seconds from now.
Hillside – Boys Locker Room. No transition music! I need time to emotionally prepare for new locations! Another edition of “And You Are…?” It’s Dave! He’s the team manager of the basketball team and he WORSHIPS Matt. He runs into Matt getting changed and thinks this means he’s rejoining the team. Matt says he’s just running late after gym class. Dave tries to convince Matt that the team needs him back. Matt is not going to talk to Coach Williams about it. Dave really won’t let it go, but Matt tells him to stop. No more words! No more words. It’s a time that is dead.
Hillside – Stairway to Nowhere. Another transition with no music! Janice calls out to Courtney. Courtney knows who she is! They have English together. Janice tries to bond by making fun of their English teacher, but Courtney likes him. I think he was the one who liked her horrible poetry last season. Janice realizes her error and tries to change course, but she swings too hard the other way. Janice is too desperate. Matt comes by and Courtney walks away from Janice. Matt is like “Who’s THAT?” because he REALLY hates new people, and Courtney fills him in that Janice is indeed new, and she probably means wel,l but is actually really irritating. Janice is only about two feet away from them, and Courtney knows that Janice hears this, but she makes no attempt to apologize for her rudeness. Janice walks away and Courtney sing-songs, “Oh well!’ Courtney and Matt are not good people. Courtney wants to go to the mall to buy the Rod Stewart tape, but Matt no longer has the money. You can read on Courtney’s face that she assumes he has somehow already spent it on booze, but doesn’t press the issue. Instead they go off to the mall together to window shop. Like lovers do!
Dylan’s Garage Band – Chris, Billy and Dylan play some old rock song badly. Afterwards, Billy thinks it was great and Chris thinks it was shit. Chris attacks Billy for not keeping the beat. Billy: I’M TRYING, OKAY?? Dylan tries to split the difference, saying none of them sounded that great. Through obvious tension, they agree to go through it again. Billy is not looking long for this band, though. It’s obvious Chris wants him gone.
Hillside – Losers' Lounge. Janice approaches Sister who is doing homework by herself. Janice talks about how hard it is getting along at a new school with no friends. You’d think Sister would jump at the chance to have a friend, given everything she’s said to Matt this episode. Instead, she ices Janice out. Apparently Sister doesn’t want to be friends with NEW people. She only wants to be friends with NOT new people. Janice, more at a loss than ever, gives up and walks away. The Ominous Transition Music returns!
Avalon – Back Booth of Backstabbing. Chris and Dylan brood as Chris makes his case for getting rid of Billy. He has no potential and they are never getting out of the garage with Billy in the band. Dylan knows he can’t take the band away from Billy right now and stands firm that it’s his band and Billy is his drummer. So it WILL take the whole season for Billy to get kicked out after all. Ugh!
Brooke’s Gigantor Bedroom. Brooke is still struggling over that same damn math problem she’s been working on all day. Dumb + Dumb = you. Amanda storms in and demands to know who Brooke told that lie about Billy being her boyfriend. Brooke can’t believe Amanda really thought she’d waste her day telling anyone about something so stupid. She has 18 hours of math homework ahead of her and can’t make sense of any of it. Amanda kindly offers to help, but Brooke can only take it as an insult that her baby sister would know more than her. Brooke is very rude about it and Amanda gets pissed. Brooke just wants one smart friend who can help her figure it out. Amanda thinks that sucks for Brooke, since Brooke has no friends on account of the horrible way she treats people. Brooke insists she has lots of friends. Amanda challenges her to come up with three names. Brooke thinks really hard about who's still on the show this season. Amanda then asks her for just one name. Brooke finally realizes she has no friends. Having proven her point, Amanda storms out of the room. Brooke picks up all her books and heaves them at her bedroom door. She falls back into her desk chair and starts to sob. Every episode should end with a dramatic Brooke scene. They are always the best.
Next time, on Fifteen! Brooke might finish her math homework. Sister might get a first name. Chris might kick Billy out of the band on his own. Matt might talk with Coach Williams about getting back on the basketball team. Courtney’s scandalous correspondence with Jake will DEFINITELY be exposed! Bring popcorn.
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