Saturday, March 5, 2011

FIFTEEN: The Most Amazing Show Ever - Episode VIII Recap

(Cindy and Olaf try to convince the zipperheads at Hillside that caring about the environment is important. 20 years later, we STILL can't convince some elected officials Climate Change is real. I feel you, Cindy.)

Last time, on FIFTEEN: Courtney was afraid Brooke was making moves on Dylan, but Brooke assured her it wasn't true. LIAR! Ashley tried to explain to Matt he was a teenage alcoholic, but he wouldn't listen. ADDICT! Brooke gave Dylan a music box even though it's not his birthday. PSYCHO! Theresa called Brooke out on her phony antics with Dylan. POSER! Kelly and Brooke said bad things about Olaf in front of Billy. HATERS! Drunk Matt got in a fight with Dylan at school and threatened to take his head off. TOOL! All in all your average episode of Fifteen.

Episode 8: Lean on Me

Opening Credits: Lean on me. When you're not strong. And I'll be your friend. I'll help you carry on! I can't imagine any of these characters acting like a rock for anyone else. They're all way to self-involved to be there for a friend in need. We'll see what happens.

(Perhaps my favorite Hillside wall hanging ever. Cindy puts it up over an existing wall display. That's ballsy.)

Hillside - Main Hall. Cindy is back! She is hanging up little signs that say "If you love the planet. THINK." They are printed on light green paper. They are not impressive. I used to poster for WesWELL the health education center at Wesleyan, and we would never have put up such shoddy signs to raise awareness. Courtney walks by and is kinda like "Good morning, Cindy!" and Cindy is kinda like "What's so good about it? The earth is being destroyed!!! Hey, do you wanna help put up these poster with me?" Cindy looks mighty crazy right now. Courtney declines getting mixed up in her drama in order to finish some homework. Cindy's like "FINE. It's only the planet that's at STAKE!!!" Then she stomps off. This was not her best scene.

(Ashely is falling apart... Jake is maintaining. Is that regular milk they are drinking with straws, or milkshakes? I'll give them the benefit of the doubt and say milkshakes.)

Avalon - Loser's Table. Ashley and Jake discuss Matt's latest blow up. They are both drinking vanilla milkshakes! Jake tries to rationalize Matt's behavior, but Ashley's over it. Matt's just being a total jerky drunko. Ashley starts to blame herself for being too busy with after school stuff to pay attention to Matt. They talk and talk and talk. Their scenes together are so boring. What it boils down to is that Jake is gonna try to talk to Matt about his drinking and Ashley acknowledges that she is slowly falling apart under the stress of having an alkie for a boyfriend. She hasn't done homework in four days, because she is so torn up about Matt. She says the worst part is that she can't talk to anyone about it. Jake agrees they have to keep it between themselves which indicates to me someone else is gonna find out about it VERY soon.

Hillside - Student Lounge. Courtney continues to do her homework, while Dylan walks in. He's neither wearing his denim jacket nor his leather one, so he must be in "Sensitive Regular Joe" mode. He walks over to Courtney who gives him the cold shoulder. He's all, "what's your problem?" She's all, "what's YOUR problem? I thought our kiss meant something!" It didn't. Dylan's all, "Who said it didn't mean anything?" The universe. They get in a fight about his feelings for Brooke, and Dylan just explains that Fake Terry is in the picture so it doesn't matter anyway, which is basically him admitting that he does, in fact, like Brooke. Courtney misinterprets this though. Of course she does! She starts to think that there is a chance with her and Dylan after all. This girl needs professional help.

(Courtney goes through the reasons Dylan obvs doesn't like her. Let her count the ways!)

Billy comes over as they are still bickering. Dylan leaves, telling Billy his sister is crazy. Billy utters what is to become one of the Go To responses in Fifteen-speak : Did I just miss something here? She claims he didn't and that Dylan is just being nutso. Pot, Kettle, Black. Courtney asks how Billy's doing living in exile with their father. Billy hates it, but mentions that he'll be back with them next weekend when Billy's dad goes away on business. Courtney offers that instead of him going back to their house, she should go stay with him at the apartment and they could throw a big party there without their parents knowing. Billy's not keen on the idea, but Matt overhears them and starts telling everyone about the big unchaperoned party at Billy's dad's place next Friday. So it's on. I'm sure a dozen huge disasters will happen there! Hooray!

(I am sick and tired of Matt being sick and tired of being HASSLED!)

Boy's Locker room. Matt and Jake talk about nothing. Blah blah blah. Matt and Jake discuss billy's upcoming party. Blah blah blah. Jake brings up beer and Matt's like "Beer? I love beer! Yes to beer!" and Jake's like "Or maybe no to beer?" And Matt's like "WHAAAAAT?" Then it VERY SLOWLY dawns on him that since Jake and Ashley are talking to him about the same thing, they must be talking about it to each other - behind his back! Jake tries to get him to face the truth about him being hooked on hooch, but Matt claims to know what he's doing and wants them to get off his back! He exits in a huff and Jake is so upset about how poorly that went that he tries to slam his locker shut. Twice. And he fails at doing so. Twice.

Main Hall. Matt runs into Brooke on the stairs. She's all "Hey, I haven't seen you around much since I tried to break up your relationship a couple days ago!" He's all "yeah, I've been busy drinkin'." They discuss how awesome trashing Billy's Dad's apartment is gonna be next Friday. Then Cindy wanders over, her hands full of loose leaf paper and she's shouting angry Leftist Green Peace propaganda. Ugh, why is she acting so crazy this episode? It's like the director said, "You need to be crazier or your fired." Which maybe is what happened. Anyway, Matt's like "what's the big deal with throwing out paper?" And Cindy starts to become level-headed again and says they should recycle it. She also wants the cafeteria to stop serving tuna because tune are caught in drift nets that kill dolphins. Matt and Brooke ridicule her ideas because they are heartless assholes. They don't even have the decency to silently indulge her until she walks away.

(Cindy freaks out to Matt and Brooke over the plot holes in this week's script.)

Olaf steps into the fray, sincere and rational as always, trying to explain how inhumane drift nets can be, but his presence just sends Matt and Brooke into more of a tizzy. They cackle at each other about it and wander off. See? These two really should be dating. They are perfect for each other. Cindy laments to Olaf how much all the kids around them are self-centered and shallow. Billy watches this whole scene play out, and you can tell by his facial expression he's started to think, "Is my friend Olaf really seen as a loser?" No, Billy! It's those other kids who are losers! Don't get it confused! You've only got five episodes left with Olaf. Don't waste them being estranged!

Main Hall...? Ashley's Locker? Courtney and Ashley are talking at her Ashely's locker but it's nowhere near everything that just happened with Cindy and Olaf, so I don't know where in the school they are supposed to be right now. Courtney is going on and on about the upcoming party, and how awesome it was that Dylan said two syllables to her that morning, and how maybe that means he really DOES like her. Ashley barely takes the time to bite off the shortest of replies. She looks super-troubled. Courtney takes no notice, but let's us know that the party is the same day as Dylan's concert, which means that episode should be filled to the brim with colossal disappointments. Ashely's all "yeah, sure, whatever. I'm dying inside from the secrets I keep." Courtney finally notices something is wrong with Ashley. Ashley bites her lip and says she's fine. Courtney's search for the truth ends there.

(Dylan and Brooke lounge under an Allan Teger print. I googled him and came up with this awesome site as well: Maybe NSFW!)

Avalon - Pinball Wizard Room. Dylan is writing lyrics alone. Brooke enters and finds him there. She tries to be all flirty. Dylan gives her the cold shoulder, still pissed off about Fake Terry. Brooke intrudes on his space and asks if he's going to the party. Dylan claims not to have thought about it. Brooke tells him she broke up with Fake Terry and that she'll be going alone... unless someone else offers to take her. Dylan's all "are you inviting me to ask to you to the party?" And Brooke thinks that's as good as an actual invitation so she declares that she would love to go to Courtney's party with Dylan. Dylan's all "that's weird," But he'll go along with it because he's fifteen and if a girl's gonna throw herself at him that hard he'll make out with her. I mean, why not?

Hillside, Main Hall - Ahh, here comes why not. Dylan's walking down the hall when he's intercepted by Courtney who we can only assume has been on stake out for the last hour waiting for Dylan to appear. He immediately looks guilty over his "date" with Brooke. Courtney tries to apologize for her coldness earlier in the day, but Dylan tells her to forget about it. She asks Dylan if he's heard about the party, and yeah he thinks he heard something about it. She invites him to party. And she wants him to know that he's really invited. Like there's a party going on in Courtney's gigantor navy blue burlap skirt and ONLY Dylan is invited. He gets super uncomfortable and kinda just runs away. Both Courtney and I think that could've gone a lot better than it did.

(Talking to Dylan sends Courtney to Dreamland, but Brooke's about to offer her a rude awakening.)

The scene doesn't stop though. Courtney wanders a few steps away and Brooke is there. And she's all "talking to Dylan, eh? That's cute." And Courtney is all "yeah, i invited him to my party. he didn't say he'd come, but maybe..." And Brooke is super excited as she tells Courtney, "Oh, he'll be there. He's coming with ME." Courtney almost falls to the ground, her world is rocked so hard. Brooke's like, "Oh! I TOTALLY forgot you had that stupid schoolgirl crush on him. Well, I hope we can all still have a great time at your party!" Courtney is PISSED, but Brooke is prettier than she is, so what can she do? All she can do is storm off silently.

The scene STILL doesn't end. Billy runs into Courtney, but she shrugs him off and he goes and stands by where Brooke is sitting. He asks if something's wrong with Courtney, but Brooke says he'll have to check with his sister. Then she points out that his geeky friend Olaf is sitting in the corner waiting for him, and she slinks away to ruin more lives somewhere else.

(Billy's so afraid to be seen with Olaf now he's even trying to avoid my screen capture of their conversation.)

This next scene is too painful to recap. Basically, Billy dumps Olaf as a friend. Olaf is really hurt and Billy seems to hate himself for doing it, but the cool kids have spoken. Billy is powerless against the strength of all that peer pressure. So sad!!

Avalon - Loser's Table. Courtney pours her heart out to Jake about Dylan asking Brooke to her party. They're not even drinking Milkshakes which makes this scene even worse than it has to be. Courtney tells Jake that Dylan is a total jerk. Jake thinks this is a good thing for Courtney to find out so that she can just forget about him. But Courtney's far too obsessed for that to happen. Even if Dylan is a total jerk that simply means she's IN LOVE with a total jerk. Jake's like "oh, bloody hell! gimme a break already!" Courtney tells him that what he doesn't understand is that guys don't like girls like Courtney, so if one even shows the slightest sign they might be interested, she has to cling to that hope for the rest of her life and never let go. Who else is gonna like her? Jake is all "Me. I do!" Courtney refuses to hear what he is clearly saying. She tells him that he is a friend and will always be just a friend and nothing will change that, nor will his feelings ever matter. Jake tries to explain again, but Courtney wants to go take a walk by herself and maybe run into Dylan. Or an oncoming bus. Whichever comes first. Jake sits there super-frustrated.

("A Toad Croaking", Sketches by Jake, 1990.)

Cindy comes over to him and asks how he's doing and about what's bugging Courtney. Jake's like "eh... she's fine." Well, Cindy's not fine. She goes off on what a bunch of assholes (that's my word, not hers. She calls them "zipperheads.") they go to school with who don't care about the environment. Jake heard about the scene at lunch and feels bad for her. Cindy says the people who do care need to start sticking up for what they believe in. I cannot wait for the Hillside Environmental Task Force! Cindy notices what Jake has been sketching and tells him it's very good. We see that it's a picture of a toad. Or possibly a portrait of Courtney. You decide. Then she offers one criticism: he's not using recycled paper. It's a joke though and they both laugh at themselves. I'm glad Cindy has gone back to being non-psycho again in less than an episode's time.

Dylan's Garage Band. This scene is excruciatingly slow. Billy asks Dylan what he thinks about his sister and Dylan calls her "a good kid." So clearly he's over any romantic feeling for her despite their kiss. Billy is disappointed for her, and then Dylan asks him to leave so he can work on a song in private. On his way out, Dylan asks Billy to turn in a math assignment for him tomorrow morning since he's planning to skip class, but he has to get the assignment in anyways. Dylan tells him twice not to forget, so we can be certain Billy will forget to complete this task. Right before he goes Billy asks if Dylan's dating Brooke, and he admits that he sorta is. Billy reminds him that several episodes ago Dylan called women like Brooke nothin' but trouble. Dylan says that they are, but only if you get hung up on them. With that Billy finally leaves.

(Witness a major plot point for the second half of the season taking place!)

Avalon - Pinball Wizard Room. Matt and Ashley rehash all the problems in their relationship with no forward momentum. Nothing new to see here, folks!

Dylan's Garage Band. Brooke has shown up as we knew she would. She doesn't like the idea of Dylan not going to school the next day. Skipping classes is gonna get his concert taking away and then Brooke will have no use for him. They do a little verbal sparring back and forth. They each have a way of saying things without committing to anything which is kind of amusing. Finally Dylan addresses the rumors that they've started dating. Brooke knows she's got him trapped now. She dials the flirting up to 11, and Dylan puts his effing guitar down finally and goes over and makes out with her. Then he says he's crazy for getting involved with Brooke. Getting hung up on her, a guy could get torn up pretty good. Brooke flashes him a wicked smile and suggests he live dangerously. Sounds good to Dylan. It is ON!!

(Dylan compares Brooke to a kiss from a rose on the grave. Ooh, the more he gets of her, stranger it feels, yeah!)

The episode is over and I'm pretty sure nobody was leaned on. Some people got stepped on, for sure. But I saw no real leaning. Not cool, Show. False advertising.

Next time, on Fifteen: Brooke decides to run for Student Council President. Kelly cannot BELIEVE this shit! Billy tells Olaf he's not invited to The Party. Brooke breaks up with Dylan in front of a packed house at the Avalon. Billy forgets to hand in the Math assignment and Dylan's concert is canceled. DRAMA!!!!!

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

The third time that Courtney referred to Dylan as a "jerk" while at the Av with Jake, she actually says "derk," if you listen carefully...