Tuesday, November 30, 2010

Loving Rudolph (For All The Wrong Reasons?)

(Nothing Says "Happy Holidays" like a Bumble and a Dude falling off a cliff!)

My favorite Christmas Holiday Special is Rudolph The Red-Nosed Reindeer. They are showing it on TV tonight. I won't be home, but I've got it DVR'ed. Can't miss it. I mean, TECHNICALLY it's still November and we could've waited a little longer into the season, CBS, but we'll take what we can get. I'm assuming they will not be showing the remastered version, and opt instead for the horribly degraded version where the underscoring sounds like it's being played on a playskool record player from 1978 and butchered editing that makes less and less sense as they continue to increase the amount of commercials they cram into the hour-long format. Maybe one day they'll release "Rudolph The Red-Nosed Reindeer: Extended Edition" on blu-ray, and I can get to see all my favorite songs played out in their entirety. Today is not that day.

It should be no big shocker I like the Rudolph special. Lots of people do. But upon reflection, maybe I liked it for all the wrong reasons. Let's review my favorite parts:

1. Donner being an asshole of a father to Rudolph, and making him cover his nose.
2. The part where Hermey is (rightfully) fired from Santa's Workshop because he doesn't want to make toys, so he can follow his dream of being a gay dentist. Oooh, I hate that snot-nosed Hermey!
3. The super-sad song Clarice sings (There's Always Tomorrow) after Rudolph is nose-bashed by the other reindeer. It's the first song I listen to when it's seasonally okay to listed to Christmas carols each year.
4. The Bumble almost killing everyone throughout the story - but I was always especially delight in Yukon Cornelius's assumed death. And his stupid dogs too!
5. The totally sad opening to the "Island of Misfit Toys" Song. They make it happy at the end, but the beginning is the best. A total precursor to all the damaged toys in the Toy Story movies. And OMG aren't you in love with King Moonracer?
6. Mrs. Claus angrily trying to force feed a Skinny Santa. Eat! Eat!
7. The snow storm that almost takes out Sam the Snowman.
8. The fog that almost makes Santa cancel Christmas and disappoints everybody.
9. The pissed off face Santa makes when Rudolph's nose is blaring away in front of him, before he realizes Rudolph can guide the sleigh.
10. The singing of Holly Jolly Christmas when everyone is happy at the end. (Okay, so there's ONE nice thing I like about the show.)

So obvs. I have issues since I spend most of the hour-long show wishing failure and death upon the lead characters, and victory for the Bumble. I still count myself as being Team Rudolph, however. Maybe I don't always get the Christmas Special I want, but I get the Christmas special I need.

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