FIFTEEN SEASON TWO, EPISODE FIVE - LIARS & LOVERS & CHEATS - OH MY!

Last time on Fifteen: Billy realized he wasn't kicked out of Dylan's horrible band. Courtney realized she had deep feelings for Matt. Erin realized she had a new friend in Leah. Brooke realized she had no friends at all, but then found a new minion in Stacy. Most importantly, Dylan realized Ashley was not away at private school like everyone assumed. Let's see what startling realizations are in store for the gang this week! 

Hillside – Boys Locker Room. Matt and Dave are getting changed after some early morning basketball drills. Matt is completely out of shape after only a few weeks spent being kicked off the team. Dave assures him he’ll back to his best in no time. Matt isn’t so sure, and he doesn’t like the the fact that he’s currently only back on probation. How long is this basketball season supposed to last anyway? It seems like they’ve been playing for two straight seasons.  Dave doesn't care - he is just thrilled that Matt is back on the team, because he is WAY too invested in Matt’s life. Matt pretends to have an interest in Dave’s life by asking about his upcoming science project. He really only wants to ask him about Courtney, since Dave is in the same class as her. Dave is younger so it's an advanced class for him, but it's a normal class for Courtney whose age still matches the show's title. Matt wants to know what Dave thinks of Courtney, because some people in school think she’s pretty now that she’s stopped wearing horrible floor length skirts every day. Dave is like, “Umm… she’s nice, I guess? Why?” Matt is like “No reason!” but clearly he is inquiring because he LIKE likes her as more than a friend.

Avalon – Main Booth of Main Characters. Courtney and Arseman are eating breakfast before school. These kids are ALWAYS here! Do their parents never feed them at home? Courtney is lost in thought about her two prospective loves. On one hand there is Jake, her pen pal/fake-boyfriend who is off in China writing her sort-of love letters. On the other hand, there is Matt, the recovering alcoholic who just broke up with Courtney’s mentally unstable best friend barely two weeks ago. Such great choices! How will she decide? Arseman wants to know which way Courtney is leaning. Courtney doesn’t think it matters what she feels. Matt hasn’t openly expressed interest in her to any of their friends, so it’s not really a choice! Arseman shrugs and gives her an even-toned, “If you say so!” but she is totally pushing them together. She’s not as openly malicious in her manipulation as Brooke, but Arseman definitely delights in meddling in her friends’ doomed romances.

Hillside – Stairway to Nowhere. Speaking of Brooke, she’s got her groove back, stomping down the stairs here in a Darth Vader-inspired 90’s power blazer, poor little Stacy following close behind. Stacy looks uncomfortable and embarrassed, as if she’s already realized she attached her cart to the wrong horse. Brooke is declaring how it’s a shame some people can never take the hint that nobody wants them around. She swears she’s talking generally, but they just happen to be passing Janice at the time, and for once on this show everyone is clued in to exactly what’s going on. Brooke swears she tries to be nice, but some people are just so IRRITATING. Janice’s eyes flare. That’s the same word Courtney called Janice in Episode 2 for no good reason! Janice marches right over to them and tells them she she sure as fuck wishes she never transferred to this awful school. At least at her old school, people gave you a chance and they didn’t hate all new people immediately just out of habit. There were nice people at her old school and Hillside is exclusively filled with assholes. Brooke tries to act scandalized, with a drawn out, "I beg your paaaarrrdon?" but STFU, Brooke. Janice is right. Hillside is the worst. The other students don’t realize it, because they’ve never known anything different, but Janice must live with the burden of knowing there are better options out there. Poor Janice. At least Stacy has the human decency to look mortified to be a part of such heinous behavior. Sorry, Stacy! This is the true face of the person you idolized, girl!

Hillside – Locker Labyrinth. Dylan approaches Courtney and tries to have a conversation. It’s awkward because Courtney is still being a jerk to him for no reason. She tries to blow him off, but he asks her about Ashley. He’s trying to figure out if she knows Ashley is back in town without betraying Ashley’s confidence. Courtney doesn’t know anything though. She still hasn’t bothered to reach out to Ashley at all, even though she’s been talking about how she’s going to write her a letter every damn episode this season. Courtney simply doesn’t care. She asks Dylan if he’s heard anything, but Dylan’s like “Why would Ashley reach out to me?” Why indeed, Show. Why?

Hillside – Losers Lounge. It’s lunchtime now, and Courtney is actually eating a bag lunch. Her mother DOES feed her! Matt comes over and asks if she wants to get food at the Avalon. Courtney’s supposed to meet Arseman though, and also? SHE IS ALREADY EATING HER LUNCH RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU. They continue to flirt with each other, until Courtney asks Matt (out of guilt?) if he’s heard anything from Ashley. Matt thinks he’s the last person she’d reach out to. Courtney’s like, “That’s funny. you’re the second guy to say that to me today!” And Matt’s like, “Oh, who else?” And Courtney’s like, “Oh, Dylan.” And Matt’s like “DYLAN?? What’s he got to do with anything???” Y'all, he’s SO DEFENSIVE about it. Courtney’s all, “Uhh.. nothing? I’m going to get away from you now.” Matt immediately switches gears and becomes all nice again. Yeesh. He wants to hang out with Courtney on Friday since he’s currently “dateless.” This makes Courtney feel all the feels. She wants to talk about it later, after she’s had a chance to talk to Arseman about it, since Arseman is now making all of Courtney’s relationship decisions for her. To be continued!

Hillside – Losers Lounge, Part 2. Billy approaches Amanda who’s reading at a table. He tries to make small talk but Amanda has ZERO INTEREST in him. Billy tries to talk about the band. Billy, she doesn’t care! He starts to talk about that funny joke Chris told her about Billy getting kicked out of the band. He tries to spin it that he and Dylan were actually the ones thinking about letting Chris go. This is almost too painful to watch. First, it’s a very obvious lie which Billy can't sell, and second, Amanda has completely tuned him out at this point anyway.  She sees Dylan on the other side of the room and makes her way over to him, leaving Billy in her dust. She tries to talk to him, but Dylan is only interested in finding Janice. Dylan might as well have slapped Amanda clean across her face. Janice? What could he possibly want with her? Amanda is so smitten she actually offers to go find her for him, but Dylan just leaves to find Janice on his own. Amanda is left in an emotional tailspin.

Avalon - Counter of Cryptic Conversations. Dylan approaches Janice and asks her to get together later. Janice is like, “SURE! WHEN? WHERE?” He tells her how to get to his house and to meet him there after school before he has band practice. With that, he exits. Janice is thrilled. Brooke overheard the whole thing and swoops in on Janice. Did she hear correctly? Did Dylan just ask Janice out? Janice doesn’t think he necessarily meant it that way. I can definitely tell you he definitely did not mean it that way. But a little bit of hope has started to enter Janice’s eyes. Brooke is disgusted by the whole idea, but seems to believe it’s true.

Avalon – Back Booth of Backwards Thinking. Courtney and Arseman try to figure out what Matt meant by “dateless.” Arseman tells her to just ask him what he meant, but it can never be that simple with Courtney. She thinks she’ll mess up what she’s trying to say and look like an idiot, which in all fairness, is probably what would happen. Courtney wants Arseman to ask for her, but Arseman declines such an active role in this courtship. She insists Courtney just grow a pair and ask him herself.

Hillside – Locker Labyrinth. Brooke is giving Stacy all the details on the Dylan-Janice intrigue. They can’t figure out why Dylan wants to spend time with her. Amanda rounds the corner, and Brooke cannot help but delight in shoving it in her little sister’s face that her hopeless quest for Dylan’s affection just got more hopeless because he’s just asked out Janice. Amanda goes into panic mode and runs off. Brooke and Stacy delight in Amanda’s distress. Yes, bitches! It’s wonderful, isn't it?

Hillside – Girls Locker Room. Amanda runs in and finds Janice getting ready for gym. She makes up a lame excuse that she’s looking for a book, but she really just wants to ask Janice about Dylan. Janice admits she is going over to his garage after school, but it’s not exactly a date or anything. Amanda tells her he invites people over to his garage all the time and that she shouldn’t get her hopes up. Then Amanda storms out. It’s actually good advice. Janice should definitely NOT get her hopes up.

Hillside – Stairway to Nowhere. Brooke and Stacy approach Dylan to get the scoop on him and Janice. As a "concerned friend," Brooke wants Dylan to make his intentions clear. Dylan calls Brooke a snoop and heads off without telling her anything she didn’t already know. Brooke gets all huffy about it, and Stacy tries not to laugh in her face, but only barely stifles it.

Dylan’s Garage Band. Dylan enters and is surprised to find Ashley there. The door was open and she didn’t have any place to go. Dylan confirms he hasn’t told anyone she’s back. She is having trouble with her parents and needs to talk to someone. Unfortunately, he has Janice coming over and then band practice after that, so if she wants to keep it secret that she’s back, she should probably not stick around. They decide she’ll go hide someplace else until they can talk later.

Avalon – Main Booth of Main Plot Developments. Courtney approaches Dave and asks if he’s seen Matt. Dave is going to go meet him at the mall later. She asks him to tell Matt to meet her there later to talk. Courtney turns to go, but then decides to pick Dave’s brain. She wants to know if he knows if there’s anyone Matt’s interested in. Dave’s like, “Yeah. You.” Courtney is like, “YAAAAAS!!!”

Dylan’s Garage Band. Janice arrives and is overly excited to be there. She wants to hang out for band practice. She realizes she is acting the fool, and brings it down several notches. Y'all, Janice is learning how to socialize! So why did Dylan invite her here, anyway? He needs help. With the band, she wonders? No, not with the band. They are in the same science class. Janice is good at science and Dylan is not. Okay, so Dylan wants help with science? Janice seems cool with the idea of tutoring him. But no, Dylan just wants her to give him all of her lab notes for the rest of the year. Janice lets this sink in for a second. Oh, Dylan. You’ve offered nothing, and asked for too much! Janice goes off on him. She’s not helping him cheat! She might have zero friends at the school but she has more self-respect than to be a doormat for any of these losers. Good for her! FWIW, I don’t think he led her on romantically. Brooke kind of invented that, and she bought into it. But expecting her to give him all her notes is such a dick move. Janice leaves, disgusted by the whole thing. Dylan’s like, “Great, NOW how am I supposed to pass science??” Try going to class, Dylan!

Avalon – Side Table of Side Conversation. Brooke and Stacy fantasize about what’s happening between Dylan and Janice in his garage. Brooke loves that Amanda is upset about it. Stacy wants to know why Brooke is so hateful toward her. We get the backstory about Brooke buying the geography paper again and how Amanda told their dad about it. So Brooke will get her revenge!

And then we get a rare Season 2 fantasy sequence!! Amanda is in rags (???) and kept in a dungeon (!!!). She begs Brooke for forgiveness and Brooke rejects her  request in the most campy over-dramatic way possible. She keeps shouting her lines and chewing the scenery. Why can't Amanda just get up and walk away? Did Brooke break her sister's legs?? It makes no sense and it's glorious. I wish they did at least a half dozen of these per episode. Eventually Brooke just leaves Amanda in her rags and filth to rot for all of eternity. 10s across the board, Show. 

Dylan’s Garage Band. Ashley returns to find Dylan. She explains that she hates private school. She came home for the weekend and then told her parents she was sick to buy herself another couple days at home. But now she’s going to have to have the biggest fight with them when she tells them she’s not going back there. If she’s going to have to yell to get her point across, I fear she has no chance at success.

Avalon – Main Booth of Budding Romance. Courtney and Matt discuss what “dateless” means and what they want to do if/when they hang out together. After much hemming and hawing, they decide: YES. THEY HAVE CAUGHT FEELINGS AND THEY WILL GO OUT ON A DATE. But they both think Ashley is gone forever, and she is not! Everything is about to fall apart before it even gets started. Hooray!

Next Time on Fifteen: Ashley comes back to Hillside, all hell breaks loose and everyone’s lives are ruined forever. I can’t wait! 

FIFTEEN SEASON TWO, EPISODE FOUR: I GET BY WITH A LITTLE HELP FROM NO FRIENDS

Last Time on Fifteen: Geometry homework proved too tough a challenge for Brooke and Dylan. Drumming on beat proved too tough a challenge for Billy. Not spreading rumors proved too tough a challenge for Chris. Not reading Courtney's private correspondence proved too tough a challenge for Matt. Picking up on the most logical of social cues proved too tough a challenge for Erin. Let's see who will fail at the simplest of life's challenges this week!

Opening Credits Observations: Ashley and Chris are seen chatting away at the counter, enjoying a nice conversation about how they're both great at being sociopaths. They don't even care how intently David is stalking them.  

Brooke’s Gigantor Bedroom.  Brooke’s watching TV (on mute, I guess? There’s no sound.) when Amanda comes in with a snippy message from their dad that he wants to check Brooke’s homework when she’s done. Brooke tells Amanda he should set his clock for 3am, since that’s when it will probably be completed. Amanda doesn’t understand why Brooke has more homework than anyone else in the school. Brooke tells her to get the hell out, since it’s obvious neither Amanda nor their dad actual care about helping her. They just want to pick at all her flaws and act superior. Amanda pretends that’s not the case, but eventually just kinda leaves because it’s totally the truth.

Avalon – Main Booth of Mental Breakdowns. Dylan walks in to find Billy quickly losing his grip on what’s left of his sanity. Dylan is genuinely trying to figure out what’s wrong, but since Billy incorrectly thinks Dylan is secretly trying to kick him out of the band, they are not making a lot of forward progress. Billy non-specifically accuses Dylan of having done something to hurt him and then runs off while the Most Dramatic of Transition Music plays and Dylan looks confused. Did he just miss something here? He did.

Hillside – Losers' Lounge. Matt shoots some garbage into the trash can and Courtney cheers for him. Ugh, THESE TWO. They sit and recap everything that happened between them last week, in case you missed it. Courtney wrote a letter to Jake, Matt read the letter, Courtney got mad at Matt, Matt apologized, Courtney forgave him. Matt seemed to forget that last part, which is why they had to discuss it all again. Matt is curious about Courtney and Jake’s relationship status and Courtney can’t give him a clear answer. She’s keeping her options open for you, Matt!

Hillside - Locker Labyrinth. Some random girls are walking down the hall discussing weekend plans. There are some wild house parties they will be attending. As they approach the Stairway to Nowhere, Brooke pops up, asking about the party details. They are all like, “What party? Gotta fade back into scenery now. Byeee!” Brooke's social status has really taken a dive if even the extras are running away from her. Luckily, Amanda is close by to gloat at her sister’s fall from being Queen Bitch to social pariah. Brooke can’t understand how this happened. Amanda just walks off, not wasting the energy to explain for the twentieth time that Brooke has been evil to everyone for the entire run of the show.

Hillside – Locker Labyrinth. Leah and an Extra Unnamed Friend are discussing what movies they should watch at the sleepover this weekend. EUF suggests The Little Mermaid, which shows she has great taste. Leah insists they get a slasher movie instead. They run into Erin at the Soda machine and fill her in. For some unfathomable reason, Erin still thinks she is not invited to the sleepover, even though Leah gives her all the details about when it’s happening and what they’re going to do. Leah walks off good-naturedly and the Sad Transition Music plays as Erin frowns. OMG ERIN! YOU ARE INVITED TO THIS GODDAM PARTY! GET A FUCKING CLUE!

Avalon – Side Table of Side Conversations. Brooke sits looking over a menu she must have read a million times before. How many different menu options can there possibly be at the Avalon that would make ordering lunch such a difficult choice? Courtney lumbers in. Seriously she looks like she’s living an hour into a Nightmare on Elm Street movie. Brooke tries to ask how Courtney’s doing and how Jake is in China. She speaks in a psychotic sing-song for reasons unknown. Courtney’s like, “BITCH. STOP.” Courtney lays into Brooke for lying about Matt telling her about Courtney’s letter when they both know that wasn’t what happened at all! Was Brooke just trying to ruin Courtney’s friendship with Matt? (Yes! Obviously!) Brooke is totally in Victim Mode right now though, and all she can do is whine about how awful her sister and father are to her, and how at any moment she will suffocate under the mountain of geometry homework that’s piling up even as they speak, and how Brooke must just be too stupid to understand anything anymore. Courtney starts to feel bad for Brooke, because Courtney is an idiot. Brooke runs off. Courtney, momentarily concerned, will forget all about this 30 seconds from now.

Hillside – Stairway to Nowhere. Amanda finds a pom-pon on the floor and picks it up. A young girl in a dowdy cheerleader outfit approaches her.  She introduces herself as, “Stacy! Stacy Collins!” and Amanda’s like, “Yeah… I know who you are. We’re in the same grade and go to the same school, so I obviously know you.” It’s amusing that the writers know that they have to introduce Stacy to the audience (she’s the one Brooke is trying to beautify in the intro sequence) but they also know that it makes no sense that Amanda wouldn’t know who she is this far into the school year. It’s a small school. It basically has ONE hallway. Anyway, Stacy makes the connection that Amanda is Brooke’s sister and then goes into this huge hero worship speech about Brooke. Amanda is dumbfounded and actually asks Stacy if she’s sure they’re talking about the same Brooke. Stacy awkwardly exits the scene.  Amanda stands there staring after her like, “that bitch is nuts.”

Hillside – Losers' Lounge. Dylan again approaches Billy to find out what’s wrong with him. Billy is all, “AS IF YOU DIDN’T KNOW!!” Dylan is like, “um… I don’t.” Billy is all, “YOU’RE KICKING ME OUT OF THE BAND! AND I HAVE TO HERE ABOUT IT FROM MY FAKE GIRLFRIEND AMANDA, OF ALL PEOPLE!” Dylan is like, “Who the fuck is Amanda, and who is she to me that I would I fucking tell her anything about you?” Conveniently, Amanda is standing not so far away from them, and the camera can pick her up in the background. Dylan advances on her, demanding an explanation. Amanda is totally freaked out because she has a crush on Dylan and here he is, all angrily staring down at her, demanding answers. She explains that Chris told her they had, “deci… decided…” There is something delightful in the way Amanda can’t even get the words out. Dylan is FURIOUS. He is going to kill Chris the next time he sees him. Is this the end of the band??

Avalon – Counter of Counterproductive Attitudes.  Matt approaches Erin who is bummed because she is an idiot who doesn’t realize her best friend invited her to a sleepover party. Matt tries to cheer her up and tells her they can go to a movie together that Friday night. Erin wants it to be a slasher movie so she can show up her stupid non-friends. Matt’s like, “Uh… I guess?” So the brother-sister date is on! Courtney approaches and thinks what Matt did was really sweet. Matt doesn’t think it was a big deal, but Courtney’s like, “No! My kid brother has a nervous breakdown almost every day and I never make time for him. You’re a good person!” Matt wanders off and Courtney totally checks out his ass as he walks away.  She stares after him for like 45 seconds. Arseman walks by and is like, “GIRL….” Because, seriously. GIRL…

Hillside – Random Benches, Random Characters. Erin mopes while drinking a soda. Leah comes by and asks her what time is good for her on Friday. Erin can’t believe she’s invited to the party after all! Leah can’t believe her new best friend is so fucking stupid. Of course she is invited! Erin is thrilled! Leah quickly runs off, as she so often does, and Matt comes by to discuss plans for Friday. Erin drops him so fast, y’all. Matt is fine to be let off the hook. He even jokes with Dylan about it in the hall. Dylan’s like, “Why are we talking? We hate each other.”  My thoughts exactly.

Avalon – Main Booth of Matchmaking. Courtney and Arseman sit down to eat. Courtney mentions she should write to Ashley, since they are still, theoretically, best friends. They haven’t talked at all since Ashley was sent away, because Courtney is a terrible person and basically forgot she existed. "Out of sight, out of mind" is Courtney's entire life philosophy. It's amazing she knows Jake still exists while he's away in China. Arseman slowly asks Courtney what’s going on between her and Matt since sometimes they look very… chummy. Courtney is like, “What? Me and Matt? He was always Ashley’s boyfriend! I never even thought about it. But now that I’ve thought about it for all of 20 seconds, I think he’s really cute and I’m in love with him!” Oh, dear. Arseman, you need to shoot this insanity down, not instigate it.

Dylan’s Garage Band. Dylan lies in wait for Chris, ready to kill him.  Chris enters and the confrontation begins! Chris brushes it off at first, but then Dylan grabs him and makes it clear that this is his shitty band and Billy stays! Chris orders Dylan to let go of him! Kill him, Dylan! Grab anything off the set decoration and hit him in the head! But Dylan doesn’t. He lets Chris go and they just look threateningly at each other. What a let down! Blood must be spilt this day!

Avalon - Corner Booth of Social Comebacks. Stacy comes over to talk to Brooke. She compliments Brooke's outfit and her fashion sense. She invites Brooke to join her at a table with more of her friends.  Instead, Brooke sees an opportunity to gain a new flunkie, and she invites Stacy to join her table instead. Stacey is thrilled to have all of Brooke's attention. Let the single white female-ing of Brooke begin!

Dylan’s Garage Band.The band plays through their hatred. They sound terrible. When they’re done, Chris and Billy start arguing about what the band’s main problem is. Dylan calls for unity. Chris thinks they need to find a lead singer to help Dylan on the vocals. They all seem on board with this. They should just break up and never talk to each other again. Please let this horrible storyline die!

Brooke’s Gigantor Bedroom. Stacy and Brooke enter and Stacy comments on the fact that it’s the world's largest bedroom ever. Stacy wants to go to the mall after supper, but Brooke still has a ton of geometry homework she has to do. Stacy mentions her brother is good at geometry and would probably help her with the homework. That’s all Brooke needs to hear to fall right back into her old habits of cheating and grand bitchery. Amanda comes in and snits that their Dad wants an update on Brooke’s homework, but Brooke's got her groove back. She tells Amanda to tell Daddy it’s handled, and she’s off to the mall with her new BFF. As allies go, Stacy is several steps down in quality from Evil Kelly, but it also means Stacy will be much easier for Brooke to control.  

Avalon – Side Table of Surprise Plot Twists. The Avalon is empty except for the guy behind the counter… and a disheveled-looking Ashley. Dylan comes in and is obviously surprised to see her there since she’s supposed to be away at Private School. “Don’t tell anyone you saw me!” she whispers,  before runing off. Dylan stands there looking… totally blank. Maybe he’s going for confused? It certainly doesn’t make sense that if Ashley was trying to hide from everyone, that she’d go get fries at the one place where everyone she knows all hang out all of the time. Whatever! It’s a mystery to be solved next week. We’re done!

Next time, on Fifteen! Intrigue with Dylan and Ashley! Intrigue with Dylan and Janice! Intrigue with Matt and Courtney! So much Intrigue! And Brooke is back to kicking ass and taking names.

FIFTEEN SEASON TWO, EPISODE THREE: LETTERS, RUMORS AND LIES!

Last time on Fifteen: Dylan and Brooke were failing math. Janice was failing to make friends and influence people. Billy was failing as a drummer. Matt was failing to tell us his sister's name. Courtney was failing as a human being (as always). Let’s see if any of them can emerge from this episode with a passing grade!

Opening Credits Observations:  Considering that almost everyone is being spied on by somebody throughout this intro, it amazes me that Billy literally turns a kid upside down and shakes money out of him, and nobody in the hallway gives it a second glance.

Avalon – Main Booth of Bros Bonding. Matt sits alone looking through a magazine when Dave comes up to him. Dave looks better when he’s wearing a letterman jacket. Matt mopes about not being on the team anymore. Dave goes through his whole speech from last week, telling him to talk to Coach Williams about getting back on the team. Matt seems to actually consider it this time, so maybe we’ll see some movement on it this week!

Brooke’s Gigantor Bedroom. Brooke is still doing her homework that she was trying to complete all last episode.  Amanda comes in and tells her their dad wants her to know it’s time for school. Brooke is well aware of the time and also well aware of the fact there’s no point in her going to school if she doesn’t have her math homework done. Amanda tells us their dad thinks girls just aren’t good at math. At least we now know Brooke’s heinous attitudes and problems are as much nurture as nature. Brooke wants Amanda to leave. Amanda is like, “yeah, but school?” And Brooke is like, “Yeah, but get the fuck out and stop bothering me!” Man, sometimes these two are almost nice to each other, until they remember that they hate each other.

Avalon – Cashier's Counter of Cringey Conversations. Matt pays for something and goes to leave, when Janice walks in. He actually says hi to her! Very big of him! She takes the opportunity to grill him about why Courtney called her “irritating” last episode. Matt’s like, “Um… I'm not Courtney’s press agent, but I’m sure she didn’t really mean it?” Janice presses the issue further, asking him if he thinks it’s true. Matt is like, “Yeah, this is weird. I’m just gonna leave now...” Janice is dying inside! On one hand, I’m glad she’s getting a backbone about these idiots treating her badly for no reason. But on the other hand, she still hasn’t figured out how to have a normal human conversation that doesn’t make everyone really uncomfortable. You can do this, Janice!

Hillside - Locker Labyrinth.  Arseman and Courtney enter, and Arseman is swooning over the fact Jake sent another letter to Courtney. Courtney is loving the attention. She can’t believe this long distance romance is happening to her! But is it a long distance romance? Girl, maybe you two are just pen pals? Courtney doesn’t care. She likes it! She’s writing back to him, but won’t give Arseman a hint as to the tone or content of the letter. So obviously someone else will find and read her letter later and it will become a BIG DEAL.

Hillside – Main Entrance. Matt and Sister come in. Sister is still complaining about having no friends and no known name. Matt and I are both getting tired of her whining fast. He calls her by her name FINALLY. It’s Erin! She says it can’t be everyone else’s fault that no one wants to talk to her. It must be her own. I’d say it’s that when people do talk to her, she just walks away from them instead of continuing the conversation. Matt assures her she just needs to give it more time. Courtney comes over and says hi to Matt and then Erin. She asks Erin how things are going. Erin stares at her for a second and then walks away without saying a word. Erin, if you want people to talk to you, it requires that you RESPOND when asked direct questions! Courtney wants to know what her deal is, and Matt sums things up for her. Courtney’s like, ”well it’s only been a week” which again makes me wonder why she had to change schools in the first place.

Courtney asks Matt how he’s doing, in a way that actually means, “Hey, have you started drinking again?” Matt’s like, “What does that mean?” Courtney’s all, “Nothing! What does that mean?”  This awkwardness continues for some time. Matt asks if Courtney’s heard from Ashley, but she hasn’t yet. Matt confides that he might talk to Coach Williams about getting back on the basketball team. Courtney is very supportive of this move! It would give Matt something to live for! Matt continues being non-committal about doing it, but it seems pretty clear it’s going to happen now, so can we just get on with it, show? Thanks!

Avalon – Side Table of Side Glances. Amanda sits with some girl who looks like a total snot and never gets a name. Amanda asks Total Snot what she thinks of Dylan. Total Snot thinks Dylan’s hot. Amanda has ZERO CHANCE with Dylan, so why she’s entertaining this fantasy is beyond me. When they cut Theresa from the show, they should’ve cut the "Brooke’s little sister likes Dylan" storyline as well. Billy comes over and awkwardly tells the girls he’s a drummer in a band. They don’t care. Eventually he wanders away, as Billy always does.  Amanda think Billy is very, very strange. I mean, she’s not wrong.

Hillside – Losers' Lounge. Courtney is writing a letter to Jake. Matt comes over to say hi. He still hasn’t talked to Coach Williams, so nobody get excited. Courtney sees Arseman in the distance and asks Matt to watch her stuff for a minute while she goes to ask her a question. Courtney puts the letter under a book. As soon as Courtney leaves, curiosity gets the better of him and Matt reads the letter. Brooke comes up behind him and snoops a peek at the letter too. When she realizes what Courtney’s writing, she snatches the letter away from him and reads the rest. Matt snatches it back and scolds for reading a private letter. Brooke accurately points out that he had no problem reading it, but now Matt looks very embarrassed for doing so. Brooke marvels at the revelation that Courtney is in love with Jake. Matt asks Brooke to keep it to herself, and instead of laughing in his face, and then cackling to herself the rest of the way down the hall, Brooke just tells him not to worry about it. Matt is very worried, but not enough to give Courtney a head's up when she comes back that Brooke's totally about to screw with her, nor that he invaded her privacy. Class act, that guy.

Avalon – Counter of Crabby Musicians. Chris and Dylan argue about the band AGAIN. Chris wants the band to have more edge and finally enter the 90s. He also still wants to get rid of Billy. Dylan doesn’t want to talk about any of this shit anymore. Amanda comes over to make a fool of herself right before Dylan storms out. Chris wonders why Amanda is fawning over Dylan if she’s Billy’s girlfriend. Amanda freaks out and declares that she is not his girlfriend and that he just hangs around her all the time claiming to be a great drummer. Chris tells her it’s too bad because Chris just kicked him out of the band. Amanda actually seems the tiniest bit sorry for Billy upon hearing this total lie.

Hillside – Losers' Lounge. Erin is doing work when two girls approach her looking for an opinion. They want to know what Erin thinks about the book they’re reading in English. Careful not to make the same mistake Janice made with Courtney, Erin waits for them to tell her what she’s supposed to think of the book. When it’s clear she’s not supposed to like it, she offers, “it’s enough to make you gag, isn’t it?” It certainly is, Erin. It certainly is. Impressed to have her opinion parroted back at her, the main new girl introduces herself as Leah. Erin has a new friend!

Elsewhere in Losers’ Lounge, (maybe 2 feet away? Maybe they are actually using the same table for two simultaneous scenes?) Brooke is back to struggling with math homework. Arseman comes over to try and help her. Brooke finally accepts help from someone and appears truly grateful! As soon as Arseman tries to explain the problem, Brooke tries to get up and get some water. Arseman’s like, “Bitch, I’m not doing your homework for you. I’m just showing you how it works so you're not struggling with the same assignment for three episodes in a row!” Brooke figures it’s not worth trying to learn anything and packs up her stuff and leaves. Arseman and I are both stunned at how stupid Brooke is.

Hillside - Locker Labyrinth. Erin and Leah walk down the hall, with Erin agreeing with all of Leah's opinions. They run into Matt and Erin introduces them. He is happy to see his sister with a new friend. They run off, barely paying attention to him. So rude. Erin really annoys me.

Hillside - Girls Locker Room. Brooke and Courtney get changed after class. Brooke twists the knife about the letters Courtney’s been writing to Jake. She claims that everybody in school knows, and she thinks it’s great. Matt told her all about the letter he read. Oh Brooke, you devil! Courtney freaks out because she never let Matt read her letter! Brooke finds that surprising, since he had the whole thing memorized. Courtney shoves her way out of the locker room to go yell at Matt. Brooke is delighted. She is such a bitch. I love it.

Hillside – Random Bench in the Corner. Matt and Dave discuss Matt’s talk with Coach Williams. He finally did it. Matt tries to fake Dave out, but he actually got back on the team. Dave is thrilled! Courtney storms over and Dave totally doesn’t notice how angry she is. She is not in the mood to celebrate Matt’s good news. She asks Matt if he knows what she thinks about people who read private letters? Matt’s like, “Oh. Damn…” Courtney storms right off again and Dave gives us a  classic Fifteen delivery of, “Did I just miss something here?” Thanks, Dave!

Hillside – Locker Labyrinth. Erin is at a locker. Leah and her friends enter talking about a sleepover at Leah’s that Friday. Erin thinks it sounds like fun! Leah agrees and says that it’s gonna be wild and walks off. Erin somehow interprets this as not being invited to the party. Why? How? Obviously, Leah is including her with the rest of the group. Oh, this girl is getting on my last nerve!

Avalon – Main Booth of the Emotionally Manipulated. Courtney is angrily scribbling down answers to her homework. Janice hovers nearby, thinking of approaching her to discuss that whole “irritating” comment. OMIGOD, JANICE! NOW IS NOT THE TIME! Thankfully, Matt crosses in front of her and Janice just wanders off, waiting for a better opportunity. She’s learning! Matt tries to apologize, but Courtney doesn’t want to hear it. He explains that he was wrong to read the letter, and that when Brooke read it over his shoulder he asked her not to say anything. Realizing how Brooke once again succeeded in manipulating her, Courtney forgives Matt and their friendship is repaired. What a relief! I thought we’d still be dealing with the fall out of LetterGate in next week's episode! 

Dylan’s Garage Band. Chris suggests to Dylan that they steal some new equipment for the band. Man, Chris is a real winner in his early episodes. Dylan tells Chris that he’s heading for real trouble with that attitude. The transition music makes a very unusual "WAH WAH WAAAAAAH!" sound that makes me laugh at its absurdity.

Avalon – Counter of Crushed Dreams. Amanda is returning from the restroom to join a group of unknown kids at the side table. Billy calls out to her and invites her to go see the band rehearse later that afternoon. She’s like, “Oh, they didn’t tell you yet? You’ve been kicked out of the band. Christ told me earlier that he and Dylan had decided. You’re history.” Seriously, that’s how nice she is delivering the news. Billy’s heart and brain explode simultaneously. Amanda just turns around and sits back down at her table as Billy runs out the door, presumably into oncoming traffic to end his miserable life. But we won’t find out what really happens to him until next week! It’s enough to make you gag, isn’t it?

Next time on Fifteen! Brooke’s season-long quest to finish her homework continues, Courtney’s ill-advised crush on Matt kicks in, Erin’s stupid misunderstanding with her dumb friends is hopefully resolved, and tensions in Dylan’s band continue to escalate. Also: Ashley finally returns to whisper sweet nothings in our ears! Hooray!