Tuesday, March 16, 2010

Idol Top 12: Six of Suck, Half A Dozen of the Other

(good-bye, snoozy Tuesday...)

In honor of the way I breeze through Am.Idol by fast-forwarding on my DVR, here are my very brief comments on Tuesday's Top 12 performances, followed by the even more briefly visited Results Show. It was Rolling Stones Week, which isn't so bad. There have been worse theme weeks, for sure. Here's how it went down.

1) Big Mike - I won't listen to him if his clip package talks about his baby, so I didn't have to hear him again this week. I'm less interested in hearing about his baby than I was hearing about Gokey's dead wife last year. And that's really saying something.

2) Didi Benami - Sounded good on "playing with fire." Looked like the bigness of the stage scared some of the lyrics right the hell out of her. She purdy though.

3) Casey James - Can somebody be interesting and totally boring at the same time? I believe Casey James can. This song is exhibit A. And look! He's like a foot taller than Seacrest! Heehee.

4) Lacey Brown - string quartet on Ruby Tuesday. It was interesting. I'd want her eliminated if not for all the other people I want eliminated MORE.

5) Andrew Garcia - You gotta sing a song in tune one of these days, dude. For real.

6) Katie Stevens - Her hair looked great being lit by the specials. I still wish wild horses would drag her away.

7) Tim Urban - His hair is better than ever. I kinda skipped over his song after the first couple notes. The judges all thought his reggae version of "Under My Thumb" was bizarro.

8) Siobhan Magnus - I love that Ally Sheedy's Breakfast Club character, Allison Reynolds, made it to the finals on American idol Season 9! I hope she screams a glory note every week.

9)Lee Dewyze - Another one who goes off-pitch way too often.

10) Aaron Kelly - All I think when his face hits the screen is "too young for me to care." It's the Justin Bieber effect. He's irrelevant to me. so I skipped over him. But I was told he actually sounded good this week, so I'll listen to him next time. Maybe.

11) Paige Miles - is a honky-tonk woman. Hit some power notes channeling, Ms. Kelly Clarkson. Also has laryngitis during week one of the finals just like Ms. Clarkson did way back when. Are these good omens for her? We'll see. I like her.

12) Crystal Bowersox - You can't always get what you want. Say, for instance, a top 12 filled with people I don't want to have boxed cylon-style. But if Bowersox wins the season, maybe I'll get what I need. Her vocal, while not pitchy, wasn't as massively impressive as last week, but her rapport with the judges and her overwhelming authenticity more than make up for it.

So my guess at bottom 3 is: Andrew, Lacey and... Tim? Katie Stevens is actually the one I liked least this week, but there are so many useless contestants how can you really figure which one should fall first? Half of them really need to be eliminated faster than the performance schedule allows. But at least this week there were six of them who were arguably okay.

Results Show: I started watching around 9:51 after Ke$ha was done with her performance. Actual bottom three were Tim (ok.) Lacey (figures.) and Paige (WHAAAAT??). 2 out of 3 ain't bad, but Paige being in the bottom is a bit of a head-scratcher. It comes down to Lacey and Paige which is even more shocking and then I realize there is still the Judge's Save maintained from last year, but we know the judge's will never give it to either of these two. They will probably use it for whoever gets eliminated during Idol Gives Back. That would seem thematically appropriate.

Lacey is the one with the fewest votes. She sings for her life, but the judges look like they are discussing theories about Lost or (more likely) this week's developments of Gossip Girl and when she's done they don't save her. She's very gracious about it, being all, "of COURSE you're not gonna save me! It's cool." Lacey, I was not your biggest fan, but I don't think you were the worst this week. As a tribute here are some bastardized lyrics to the song you sang this week.

There's no time to lose, I heard her say
Catch your dreams before they slip away
Dying all the time
Lose your dreams
And Seacrest's lost his mind.
Ain't life unkind?

Goodbye, Ruby Lacey
Who could hang the blame on you?
Contestants change every Wednesday
Still I'll sorta miss you...






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