Sunday, March 28, 2010

Idol Top 11: Several Number Ones Sung By A Bunch of Zeroes


(Paige coming back next week, is against all odds...)

In continued observance of how I breeze through Am.Idol by fast-forwarding on my DVR, here are my very brief comments on Tuesday's Top 11 performances, followed by the even more briefly visited Results Show. It was Miley Cyrus mentor week (if you needed any indication about how little respect the producers have for this years vocal talent), and the contestants are all singing songs that were #1's on the Billboard charts. Ahh, but there's a twist! They must be songs that were released at least 20 years before Miley Cyrus was born! What's that you say? There was no such stipulation? 9 of the 11 Contestants chose to do that on their own to seem as musically irrelevant as possible? Sweet Jeebus, what are they thinking?? Anyway, here's how it went down.

#1 - Lee Dewyze sings The Letter, big-band style. Lee remains consistently slightly under-pitch. Miley advises him to have more personality. It's good advice that Lee doesn't really apply to his performance. But why choose this of all songs? Makes no sense to me.

#2 - Paige Miles - Girl, when Miley tells you that you are pitchy you are in TROUBLE. It's beyond the pot calling the kettle black. This performance is awful. She's singing Phil Collins Against All odds, because it was against all odds that she would ever choose this song? It's the worst Idol vocal I've heard since Jon Stevens' Crocodile Rock back in Season 3!! (I actually looked it up. That was BAD. This is WORSE.) The judges all tell her flat out it was terrible. She's gotta go. A terrible vocal. And why choose this of all songs? Makes no sense to me.

#3 - Tim Urban - Oh jeez. It's like Tim saw Paige tank from off-stage and thought "Hey! Being the worst is MY thing! I can be lamer than you!" He then went out there to suck worse than Paige, sliding across the stage like he's Conrad Birdie or something, but still the challenge was too great to sink so low. He's singing Crazy Little Thing Called Love. WHY? These people are total idiots with the song choices tonight. Makes no sense to me.

#4 - Aaron Kelly - Singing I Don't Want to Miss a Thing. A song from the 90's! WOW! All the judges think he did great and jump on the fact he has "tonsillitis" this week. I actually am liking him a little bit this week, but maybe it's just because they put him on after two total stinko performances. Seacrest calls him "Archuleta" and even though I wasn't a big Archie fan, even I know Archie could sing circles around Aaron.

#5 - Crystal Bowersox - BOWERSOX! She's singing Me and Bobby McGee. It's a little too obvious a song choice for me, but I'll give her a break because she should sing Janis at some point this season. Miley tells her to up the key, and I believe she takes the advice which is good. When the tempo picks up and she smiles, I get goosebumps. What would this season be without her? Ellen is a bit critical of her again. and I don't know what Ellen's angle is. I guess she just wants her to keep improving and never get voted out.

#6 - Big Mike - Sings when A Man Loves A Woman in a very loungy style. The vocal is not bad, which would put him head and shoulders above 90% of the contestants left in the competition even if he wasn't already physically head and shoulders above them. A pretty generic song choice though. Kinda boring.

#7 - Andrew Garcia - has come to bore us all thoroughly with I Heard It Through The Grapevine. Miley tries to fix what's wrong with him by making him put down the guitar for one performance. It doesn't really help him. She requests for him to learn the lyrics too. He seems to mostly follow this advice. This contestant has run out of gas. Again - the theme is No. 1 Billboard songs. Why choose this of all songs? Makes no sense to me.

#8 - Katie Stevens - sings an actual contemporary song with Fergie's Big Girls Don't Cry. Unfortunately it doesn't really go well. I don't know what kind of song fits her voice, but these big throaty songs only highlight her weaknesses. No pitch control. Really not good. She's still trying though. I'll give her that.

#9 - Casey James - Is singing the Power Of Love. I give up. It's too corny. I dig Huey Lewis and I love Back to the Future, but again, why - WHY?? -choose this of all songs? Makes no sense to me.

#10 - Didi Benami - tempts the gods by singing a song titled "You're No Good." Well, Didi? You're okay, you're okay, you're okay. Baby, you're just okay... there's something I like about Didi. maybe it's just that she's hot. She could be doing much better than she is right now, though.
#11 - Siobhan Magnus - Allison Reynolds is singing Superstition. I dunno... I mean, she's cool and she can sing. But she doesnt really do anything with it that you wouldn't expect. You're basically just waiting the whole time for her to do her now-trademark screech at the end. She does it, and then you're like "enh.." And for the last time tonight I say, why choose this of all songs? She's not gonna record anything like this. Makes no sense to me.

So the bottom 3 i thought were easily Paige, Tim and Andrew. They were just awful in a sea of really bad singing and song choices. When we got to the Results Show Miley braved a live performance (which is not her forte) and then Joe Jonas and his current girlfriend came out and put all of the bad performances of this week to shame with a truly horrible performance that I couldn't spend more than a few seconds listening to.

Bottom 3 were Paige (no shit) Tim (duh) and Katie (liked less than andrew it it's own sort of elimination). Bottom 2 were Paige and Tim and then Paige was revealed as lowest vote-getter. Simon's all "no need to sing for your life, there's no way in hell you're getting the Judge's Save." And Paige is all "Thanks, wasn't after it in the least." They show the montage of Paige's journey back when she cared about being in the competition and then she sings her way out. Everone that's left will be on the tour this summer. Excited, yet?

Next week, it's R&B theme with Usher as the "mentor." That should be as a bloody a pile-up as the opening crash sequence in Final Destination 2. See you there!





(Think of the brunette as Bowersox!)

2 comments:

Moving Meditation said...

Just found your blog after clicking over from The Sassy Curmudgeon. This post is too funny. Glad to know I'm not the only sane person watching American Idol, albeit zipping through at record speeds (God bless my DVR). Can't wait to read your take on last night's show.

SuperOTM said...

thanks! last night's installment was another doozy. this week's recap should be up thursday or friday!