Tuesday, March 16, 2010

Gypsies, Champs and Sleaze

This has been a busy news week for Rafael Nadal. His website is back up and running after it went offline back in January for a massive site overhaul. The new look is much cooler than the old one. Well worth the wait!

Additionally, he has returned to play on the tour following a knee injury at the Aussie Open and is currently into the 4th round at Indian Wells! Vamos Rafa! Beyond that, he witnessed some controversy earlier this week at the Hit For Haiti Charity event when his partner Andre Agassi got into an uncomfortable exchange with former rival Pete Sampras. That nasty exchange just highlighted how gentlemanly Rafa and Fed treat each other despite their desire to win.

On top of all that, Rafa made his music video premiere in Shakira's latest music video, this one for her song "Gypsy." This last item I find the most awesomely bizarre, and I would like to take a minute to explore the bizarreness with the help of some interesting screenshots. I want to pay the video some attention since it will likely be overshadowed this week by Lady Gaga's video masterpiece "Telephone."

For you see, ladies and gentlemen, while I love Rafa more than anything, and while Shakira never fails to be anything other than the hottest female on the planet, I could not for the life of me figure out what these two would be doing together in a music video (besides inevitably making out). When I heard a few weeks back it was happening, i thought, "well... at least Rafa got to have some fun while he couldn't compete this Winter..." I mean they're both good looking and seemingly sweet people. Honestly, what could wrong with pairing them in a muisc video?


Look. it's not like the video is awful. It just doesn't make any sense. Let's travel through it together, shall we?

It starts out with Shakira in a black/sheer dress walking away from a dusty grey horizon playing a... harmonica? Singing a country song? About gypsies?? WHHAAAATT???

But then we move on. And we come across Rafa dipping his head into a barrel of water like he's Stef in the Goonies. Martha Plimpton, eat your heart out!

So now here we have Rafa and Shakira lying down on the ground holding hands like they are 7th graders trapped in super-hot bodies. But where are they? The ground is all ash. Some online publication said the video was taking place inside a volcano, but that doesn't make any sense. Where is all the lava? And also, why would they be inside a volcano?? As you can kind of tell from the picture, the ground is rocky and uneven. It looks very uncomfortable.

Here's a candid shot of Rafa and Shakira busting out laughing, and you gotta believe that right at this moment they both think what they're doing is absurd - what, with the lying on the ground in this maybe-volcano waiting for the moment when they can finally start making out. I would laugh too. How surreal would it be to be on the verge of making out with Shakira or Rafa with all those camera people staring down at you?

Before we get to the half naked kissing, we move on to the half-naked dancing. As we go to a wider shot, it looks like we are in the desert more than a volcano. Wherever we are, there's a chair for Rafa (who's lost his shirt at this point) and he slumps down as Shakira does a traditional gypsy dance in the traditional gypsy garb of a gold-sequined see-through dress. Remember, country music is playing this whole time.

Shakira's got an amazing ass. There is no debate on this. But is it a gypsy's ass? I don't know...

Shakira spins toward Rafa! It is almost time for the simulated Doing It! Shakira's gyspy spell has been cast and Rafa is powerless to resist! Those things in the background look like tree limbs. Trees don't grow inside Volcanoes! (do they?)

Okay, this is where things start to smolder, volcano or not. But how can I focus on the Doing It when I'm distracted by the terrain again? Look at how Shakira is positioned. The ground is so uneven. She must've been so pissed that her love scene with Rafa didn't take place on a comfy bed. 'Cause you now they had to lie there for a while and Rafa or no Rafa, sharp rocks stabbing you in your back is not fun time.

And now they get kissy-faced. Shakira goes in for the tongue! Shame, shame. Know your name! (thus I make my second Goonies reference in this post! Oh, Goonies...)

After they kiss, the video kinda fades out. So nothing is really explained about the weirdness that just happened. In a "making of" video, Shakira has said that she wanted Rafa in the video because she felt a certain kinship with him. Like her, he's achieved great success in his field at an early age. Like her, he spends a lot of his year traveling the globe as part of his career. Also like her? He's very good-looking. So they make the perfect on-screen pair. I would've liked to see them together in a more conventional setting, but maybe-volcano sexy times will have to do. It looked like they had fun together, at least. In the end isn't that the point of life? As the lyrics from "Gypsy" teach us:

Come along for the ride, Oh yeah
Come along for the ride, whoo-hoo

'Cause I'm a gypsy
Are you coming with me?
I might steal your clothes
And wear them if they fit me
I never made agreements
Just like a gypsy
And I won't back down
'Cause life's already bit me
And I won't cry
I'm too young to die
If you're gonna quit me
'Cause I'm a gypsy

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