Tuesday, February 2, 2010

A Single Oscar Nom

COLIN: Oh, Jules! I'm so upset neither you nor our movie got nominated for Academy Awards! I'm so depressed, I think I might just shoot myself in the head!

JULIANNE: Oh, Colin! DON'T start in with that again! You've got so much to live for! You got a nomination! And well deserved, I might add.

COLIN: But it would have been nothing without you! We were both fucking incredible in A Single Man!

JULIANNE: Well, of course we were. We can't be less than who we are. It would've been nice to be nominated, but it wouldn't have gone anywhere anyway. We all know Mo'Nique is going to win my category. It hardly matters who the other four nominees are. She hasn't lost one race all awards season. Same with Christoph Waltz for Inglorious Basterds. Everyone else might as well stay home.

COLIN: True enough, Jules. But where is our movie in the best picture race? They expand the list to 10 films this year and STILL we don't make the cut? I mean, COME ON!

JULIANNE: I know, that is rather... disturbing. I'm glad we decided to lie down before they announced the awards. I'm feeling a wee bit faint.

COLIN: And we're not the only snub. Where is fucking Star Trek?? I fucking LOVED that movie, Jules! Instead they choose the Blind Side and An Education? It's bollocks! I mean those voters must be fucking MENTAL!

JULIANNE: Now, Colin. Don't upset yourself. Your nomination can represent us all! You can win, and thank us all in a truly riveting acceptance speech! Oh, I can see it now! You look stunning!

COLIN: It'll never happen! Never! Jeff Bridges will win. And good on him. It's a great performance.

JULIANNE: As is yours!

COLIN: Of course it is, Jules. We are fucking incredible. We're both class acts.

JULIANNE: That's right Colin. We don't even need awards! It's silly, really, when you think about it! We'll just keep being brilliant in every role that comes our way. The people love us. The critics adore us. Our peers respect us. What more can we ask for?

COLIN: I just can't help thinking what's the point anymore...

JULIANNE: I know. I'll fix you a drink.

COLIN: Make it strong.

JULIANNE: Absolutely, love. Absolutely...

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