Monday, February 15, 2010

Against Amazing Odds

Reality TV's Crown Jewel is back! Sunday night's premiere was interesting, if not quite up living up to it's title as "amazing." Looking at the cast, there are a couple of celebrity dumb blondes, including Big Brother 11 Winner Jordan Lloyd and former Miss Teen South Carolina and former youtube sensation Caite Upton (they are not on the same team). These two ladies might surprise you though, as they did pretty well on the first leg of the race. I am pleased that none of the couples on the race started immediately screaming at each other, or stress out unnecessarily, or otherwise seem like hateful people. Each leg might turn out to be a contest of who can make the fewest stupid mistakes, since almost all the teams made some moves that defied logic and clue-reading on their opening trek from LA to Santiago, Chile. They seem very evenly matched, so it's hard to pick a winner. with 10 teams still in the mix (high school sweethearts Dana and Adrian were eliminated first and handled it with a lot of class), I'll give you my picks for who will wind in the top half/bottom half for the season. When I'm done with that, we'll see if I have a pick to take home the million dollars.

BACK OF THE PACK
Jody and Shannon

Relationship: Grandma/Granddaughter and triathletes to boot!

My Nickname For 'Em: Team Granny Goodness!

What's Their Damage?: I hope I'm wrong about them, because they seem like an awesome team and I'd like to see them stick around. While Granny looks like she's got mad endurance, neither woman seems like they have a ton of upper body strength and I just feel like even if they can run faster than they did in the first leg, there is a roadblock in their future that has their demise written all over it.

Dan and Jordan



Relationship: They are brothers. Jordan is homosexual, and Dan is just kinda gay.

My Nickname For 'Em: Team Gayer By Half

What's Their Damage?: I don't know about these two. I think they will get to about mid-season and then Killer Fatigue will claim them. They already got a time penalty in the first leg and I think the mistakes will only get bigger over time.

Brent and Caite


Relationship: They are "dating models." I feel certain they know each other, but their relationship and profession seem totally made up.

My Nickname For 'Em: Team... Such As

What's Their Damage?: This show has cast far more annoying dating models than these two. I actually kind of like Caite and her ability to absorb her horrible Teen USA speech. They ALMOST did really well, but lack of clue reading dealt them a penalty that bumped them from 2nd to 7th place. With all the teams so close together, giant mistakes like that can really cost them. Also? Brent made absolutely no impression on me. I prefer that over him being a toolish asshole, trust. I just don't think these kids are gonna make it.

Louie and Michael


Relationship: They're both (formerly after this airs) undercover cops.

My Nickname For 'Em: Team 42 Jump Street

What's Their Damage: They don't seem to be in the best shape of their lives. That always becomes a factor a few legs in. They seem like they could easily fall victim to any number of race misfortunes. One of them loses a pack. One of them loses a clue. One of them gets really lost misreading a map. All of these scenarios seem highly likely for these two leading to their philimination.

Jet and Cord


Relationship: rodeo cowboy brothers (they've got baby faces, but they are actually my age!)

My Nickname For 'Em: Team Rodeo Bros.

What's Their Damage: They seem very fish-out-of-water when it comes to international travel. I feel like they will do very well with any physical challenges, puzzles I'm not sure about, but I feel like once they have to drive themselves through a foreign city, it will be the last we see of them. An example of not understanding travel: They exchanged all their money from US dollars to Brazillian money when they were heading to Chile... um....

THE FRONT RUNNERS

Carol and Brandy



Relationship: Power lesbians in love!

My Nickname For 'EM: The Evil-Lyns! (but the other racers are content to call them The Lesbians)

Why Their Pedal is to the Metal: I don't know if they will make it too far. I think putting them in the top half over the Rodeo Bros. is me being generous. But they look like they get along well and I believe they could probably read a map better than most of these teams. What they lack in physical strength, they make up in their spell-casting powers, like the ones they used when they commanded technical malfunctions for the plane ahead of them (I'll assume they meant while it was not in the air) so the front teams lost their time advantage. Which is what happened and they did!

Joe and Heidi



Relationship: Married.

My Nickname For 'Em: Team Jodi

Why Their Pedal Is To The Medal: They don't really seem to have an obvious weakness, so they should be level players. Joe seems eager in his interviews to fill the bossy husband archetype, but he seemed nice enough in the first leg. He was making friends and smiling. Maybe he gets cranky on little rest, in which case we'll see that side of him soon enough. Heidi seems nice. I almost called them "Red Team" because I didn't have too much to go on.

Monique and Shawn

Relationship: They are friends, both 39-year-old moms/attorneys.

My Nickname For 'Em: Team Moms-At-Law!

Why Their Pedal Is To The Metal: They seem to be in good shape and eager to race. I predict they will fight and get in over their heads a lot, but there's always one team that is consistently second to last without getting eliminated and i think Moms-At-Law will fit the bill this time.

Steve and Allison

Relationship: Father/Daughter

My Nickname For 'Em: Team Sack Race (it's a reference to the unconventional Father/Daughter Sack Race from Strangers With Candy. Obscure reference, I know.)

Why Their Pedal Is To The Medal: Steve has coached a team to a World Series Championship so obviously he knows a thing or two about winning. With Allison, it look like the apple didn't fall too far from the tree. Also this looks like a team where the parent won't treat the child like they are 4 year's old. It's very refreshing I really think they have a good shot to win. Steve and Allison had what was for me the funniest moment of the premiere when they broke into someone's house and started painting the living room as if it were part of their detour challenge, which also involved painting. Who knew the color would be a perfect match? Anyway, they still managed 4th place with all that wasted effort.

Jordan and Jeff


Relationship: Big Brother Lovebirds/Winners

My Nickname For 'Em: Jeff'n'Jordan

Why Their Pedal Is To The Metal: These two could not face a field of racers more to their favor. By that I mean, no one seems that much physically or mentally stronger than them. They didn't get sick of each other trapped in a house for like 3 months, so I assume they can make it through a couple weeks of running around the globe. You'd think Jordan's repeated inability to differentiate Chile from China would either (a) discredit her as a serious threat or (b) drive Jeff nuts, but neither of those things is true. She already won her first reality show and it wouldn't surprise me if she could win again.

So there you have it. Travel safe, teams! I'll see you at the finish line and snark on you all the way there! I think it's either Sack Race or Jeff'n'Jordan For The Win! How 'bout you?

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