Sunday, January 17, 2010

Golden Globes 2010: A Golden Recap


Hey folks. So I'm flumped on my living room couch, not feeling too well, and waiting for the Globes to start. I'm gonna write down my thoughts in real time, but not hit "publish post" until the end. Spell check is not working right now, so be gentle about typos.

Here we go:

8:00 - Cue the globes theme and out comes Ricky Gervias! Yay!!! Please be mean! Eh, it is okay. I don't know why the crowd laughed so hard for that Angelina Jolie joke. You could see the set up coming a million miles away. On the other hand, it's nice to hear penis jokes spoken about so openly in the 8pm hour. Hopefully he's just warming up.

8"05 - Kidman gives a shout out to Haiti and moves on to announce Best Supporting Actress in a Movie. It's gotta be Mo'Nique. Although Julianne Moore's presence reminds me I still want to see A Single Man. Mo'Nique wins! Make your way to the stage Mo'Nique! I love heartfelt speeches, so this is a good one, but the show is already over by about 10 minutes.

8:10 - The hottie from Modern Family and Matthew Fox are here to announce Best Actress in a Comedy for TV. I hope Lea Michele or Tina Fey wins! Toni Collette? ... I used to really like Toni Collette, but I honestly don't know anything about this show. She's kinda awesome and chill in her acceptance speech though. Good for her. I just realized that Lea Michele doesn't have a last name which I find... troublesome. Her last name's not Michele, right?

8:13 - Time for commercials! I need some soda...

8:17 - Miss Golden Globes is a second generation hollywood beauty and the daughter of Alfre Woodard. Now for Male Supporting Actor In Anything That's Shown On Television Regardless of What Type of Program It Is. I'm hoping for John Lithgow in Dexter, because I love John Lithgow. Not so much for 30 Rock, but I like his stage and movie work. And while I've never seen a full episode of Dexter, what they showed of Lithgow in the commercials alone was award-worthy. He WINS! Love the speech. He's a classy guy!

8:20 - Paul McCartney is in the house. Why? I don't know, but everyone is happy he's there. Best Animated Feature Film! He's plugging Yellow Submarine, REALLY? A Beatles product needs a plug to be successful??? No no no! For shame, the only one of these movies I've seen is Up, and I'm rooting for that one. It won! Hooray! Don't play the theme music! I will CRY!! I say for shame, because all these animated films this year all looked really awesome. I'm still hoping to catch Mr. Fox somewhere in the city and Coraline on DVD before the Oscars. Don't play that dude off just cause nobody knows him! Mo'nique! See what you've done??

8:24 - Commercials! Time to catch up on Sassy's blog. bt-dubs is an awesome phrase. I will only use it in conversation if I have time to explain that Una's responsible for it. I can't remember if Golden Globes has an in memoriam segment? Because if we have to remember the dead celebrities in both TV AND Film who died in the past 12 months, we're gonna be here forever.

8:28 - Kate Hudson is here. She's showcasing a scene from Nine, a movie that has fallen from critical grace after it's release. We're not supposed to look for it in the Oscar Noms. and this year there are TEN movie nominations, so it's fallen pretty far.

8:29 - Gervais is back. And drunker than in the last segment! I like where he's heading! Felicity Huffman is on stage, saying a lot, but not saying much of anything. What has happened to her??? And there's this other guy on stage looking petrified. What the hell has happened here? They all need to regroup!

8:33 - We're sweeping these fools off the stage and here we go with NPH and Jane Krakowski bringing us the winner for Best Actor in a TV Drama. I'm rooting for Michael C. Hall in Dexter. Again, a show I don't watch but somehow I still really like him and want him to win. He DOES! He's battling cancer in real life, and is wear a black skull cap on his head. I sincerely hope his chemo is going okay.

8:35 - We're moving straight on to Best Actress in a TV Drama. I'm hoping for Julianna Marguiles. SHE WON!! How do you like that? I watched that show twice this past season. She's really good on it! It seems like a show that requires a lot of attention though, and i don't have a lot of attention. I need to watch shows like Biggest Loser that I can FF through 73% of the show and not miss anything important. Still Juliana is beautiful and sweet and I'm glad she won.

8:39 - Commercials! I can't tell if I have a fever or if it's just that my apartment is overheated to 94 degrees. Either way, I'm sitting here sweating. My peanut princess wok dinner from Wave Thai was really really good tonight. My walking across the street to pick it up was the only time I left the house today. It was cold and drizzly during my walk and made me think that I didn't miss much by staying in today. Yesterday was beautiful weather though, wasn't it?

8:42 - Harrison Ford is introducing Up In The Air. Why? I don't know. He seems... like a zombie. What's wrong with him? Up In The Air was not at the top of my list for Best Drama, but then I saw An Education and A Serious Man and it seriously went up in my estimation.

8:44 - Increasingly drunk Gervais makes fun of McCartney and introduces Cher (!!!) and Christina Alguilera (???) to introduce the best song award. I haven't heard of ANY of these songs and I've seen a few of these movies. Crazy Heart wins! As long as that horrible Avatar song didn't win. I haven't forgiven Leona Lewis for that horrible rendition that took up time in the SYTYCD season finale last monght. But wait... the guy who accepts the award... didn't write the song? He's just waiting for that guy to get up on stage? And then he bails? But he was kinda witty in his acceptance on the other dude's behalf. Now we're straight on to Movie Score. It has to be Up! Or Where The Wild Things Are. But it's UP! Thank goodness. That score is marvelous. And they are playing it again as he walks up on stage and again I start crying. I can't handle it.

8:49 Commercials! I'm glad that if I had to not feel well this weekend, it happened on the middle day of a three day weekend. Last night was an amazing party hosted by LMM with incredible dancing and awesome people all around. and today i got to watch a repeat viewing of the 2009 Aussie Open Men's Final (the one where Rafa wins and Fed cries) during the day and then this awards show tonight. That's like 8 hours of TV. I'm not kidding. Hopefully I feel better tomorrow.

8:53 - Amy Adams and Josh Brolin. Beautiful people indeed. No one is sitting down or paying attention so we must have moved on to television movie categories. I have no idea who could win this. I say Little Dorrit or Grey Gardens. It's Grey Gardens! I'm not doing too badly in the cateogies tonight. Could you people actually walk any slower up to the stage?? Jeez! And now they are talking WAY through being played off. OMG Get of the stage!!! BOOOOOO!!!! They refuse to leave! Get lost!

8:58 - That's right - the stupid category took 5 minutes. Tom Hanks is here to introduce Julie & Julia. I think he zings Alec Baldwin, but everyone takes it as a zing against Staley Tucci. Hanks thinks everyone should just take it, and like it and ask for more. Agreed.

8:59 - Gervais is back. Pretending to have sobered up only to zing easy target Colin Farrell. It's Female Lead in a Comedy/Musical Movie. I'll go with Meryl Streep in Julie & Julia. I am right! She's both an winner AND a loser tonight! How does it feel Meryl?? She gives a great speech. She want's to be known as T-Bone? She usually does. She's had the right amount of practice to get it perfect.

9:05 - Commercials! Did they give out the award for Best Actor in a comedy or Best Comedy for TV? I swear the order of this ceremony makes no sense. No wonder so many people get drunk, wander away to the bathroom and miss their categories. They have no way to judge what's going to happen next. Also? I want Cyndi Lauper to win Celebrity Apprentice. i won't watch. but i want her to win.

9:09 - Helen Mirren is on stage, but I can't see her legs, so what's the point? Show us the gams, HM! She is here to introduce Precious. Really? WHY? Can't someone remotely connected to the movie introduce it?

9:11 - Actor in a Miniseries or Movie, by people who may or may not have been introduced. It happened so fast. Kevin Bacon wins. He is drunk. And he's the first of the presenters or winners to look like they actually got caught in the rain that is pouring in LA this afternoon.

9:13 Actress in a miniseries or movie. I hope it's Joan Allen, because I think she's awesome. But it could be either of those Grey Gardens ladies. Or any of them. Drew Barrymore wins. This speech should prove to be magical. She gives a shout out to Mo]Nique. A good way to start. Ramble on, Little Girl Lost. Sam Worthington was one of the presenters. And I think the other one was Zoe Saldana (who I might, add, had a VERY good year with two sci-fi movies, both of which have a shot getting Oscar nods. How weird is that?)

9:17 Commercials! I have this weird cut above my left eye. Did this happen at the party last night? I don't think so. It's not like I blacked out or anything. I'd remember someone scratching my eye. But I haven't even seen anyone since then. Hmm...

9:21 Here's Cameron Diaz randomly introducing It's Complicated, a movie I think I'll eventually see on TV or on a plane and enjoy.

9:22 - Gervais is back. A dark moment in the show... about writing. Jennifer Aniston's leg has come out to present a screenplay award. Original screenplay? Sure! Wait, do they not make a distinction? That's bullshit. Gervais wasn't kidding that the GG's don't really care about writing. Quentin, please win! Up In The Air wins for it's ADAPTED screenplay! Disappointing. Though I do like Jason Rietman.

9:26 - TV Actor in Comedy with J.Garner and Asthon. Not all the nominees are here. Including Alec Baldwin who is off in Canada doing a charity event (or something like that) so we don't get a funny speech from him when he wins. But maybe we made up some time we'd lost from the Grey Gardens crew going on forever. Matt Morrison looked awesome and nervous when they were announcing his name. Matt Morrison rocks, y'all.

9:27 - Maggie Gyllenhaal runs on stage to tell us to donate to Haiti relief. This seems... oddly placed. I wonder if the real person who was supposed to say this tripped and sprained his or her ankle backstage and she reluctantly had to rush out at the last second to fill-in. It sorta felt like that.

9:28 - Commercials! I have a headache. I don't like these DROID phone commericals. Have you people learned nothing from BSG? Fear the andriods and their crazy technology! I need more soda...

9:32 - Sam Jackson is on stage. And it makes sense, because he's introducing Inglorious Basterds. A movie he is actually IN! I love Inglorious Basterds. It might be my favorite movie of the year.

9:33 - Sophia Loren is on stage looking fucking fantastic. Why is she here? Foreign Language Film? Oh good. I guessed right. I have no idea. White Ribbon? Oh good. i guess I DO have an idea. I want to see this movie. I want to see Broken Embraces too.

9:38 - Best TV Series Drama with Amy Poehler and Too-Tan Zach Levy. Mad Men wins, which is almost a surprise given the early momentum of Dexter in the other categories. I've never seen Mad Men and I've had Season One on DVD in my house for roughly 6 months. I know I'm terrible.

9:40 Commercials! I hope there's more Gervais on deck when the show comes back from the break. I don't know what to have for dessert. I will make myself a banana shake after the Globes are over. Unless it's after midnight and then maybe my neighbors won't like it. Although the dogs upstairs and my Domestic Dispute couple across the way don't really consider MY need for quiet late at night. Also? The Marriage Ref looks like a horrible idea for a show. About as bad as The Jay Leno Show.

9:45 - Universally sexually-harrassed young star Taylor Lautner is on stage introducing (500) Days of Summer. I have that on my netflix, I swear.

9:46 - Supporting Actress for all of TV. Jane Lynch better win this category bitches! Chloe Sevigny wins!! Well, FINE. She's good. But Jane is amazing! Dude just nearly ripped the dress right off her body. Awesome. Her speech is short and sweet.

9:49 - Gervais!! Drinking the night away. Halle is on stage looking like a HOT MAMA. Best Supporting Actor in a movie must go to Christoph Waltz, because he is the best thing ever. He flies through like 4 languages in Inglorious Basterds. He's gotta hurry it up with the speech though, Thank some people, papa! He's so sweet. I might watch IB again this weekend. I'd eat it up, I love it so.

9:52 - Commercials! bathroom break!

9:56 - Cecille B. DeMille goes to Martin Scorsese presented by Al Pacino and Leonardo DiCaprio. I feel like I've seen him accept this award 90 times in the past five years, so I'm gonna kinda wander away right now. Marty seems like an awesome dude though. Great movies! No denying that!

10:08 - Marty is done. I liked his speech.

10:09 - Commercials! Time for me to play the game "Where'd I leave that bottle of Tylenol?" It's fun for the whole family. Unless you live alone, and then it's just as good in one-player mode. Valentine's Day has 48 stars in it. Could this movie possibly have a plot that justifies having that many characters? I am highly skeptical. Wait, was that kid in the Ronald McDonald House commercial MISSING AN EYE??

10:12 - Jodi Foster hits the stage. She's introducing Hurt Locker, which is by far the best movie I've seen this year. I prefer Inglorious Basterds as entertainment, but Hurt Locker is so intense. It's amazing.

10:14 - Gervais continues to drink on stage. Slurring all the way. OH!!!! He totally scored on Mel Gibson!!! Well played, with the joke about alcoolism, RG. Best Director should go to Kathryn Bigelow, but it might go to Avatar (nooo!) The only other acceptable winner is Quentin, but they didn't give him Screenplay so... Cameron FTW. WTF. I understand that the HFPA has a history of loving Cameron and the movie has made almost 2 billion dollars worldwide, but still. A win for Avatar at the Oscars will feel very hollow to me.

10:18 - Kiefer and Thirteen from House are here with Best Comedy Series. Entourage is nominated for reasons unknown. I hope Glee or Modern Family wins. Give something to the fresh blood! GLEE!!!!!! HOORAY! Oh this is fun. The show really won me over by episode 13. I'm looking forward to the back half of season one. Don't worry 30 Rock. I think this season is as strong as anything you guys have done.

10:21 - Commericals. I am eating crackers. They were within arm's reach from the couch. When did I bring them in here? I foung the tylenol on the dresser in the bedroom, by the way.

10:25 - The Hangover Guys and Mike Tyson introduce their movie, The Hangover. I think it's the inconsistency

10:26 - Reese Witherspoon is out on stage presenting Best Comedy or Musical Movie. My DVR chooses now to want to go to sleep, but I tell it NO! Can't it wait until I am not actively watching TV? Hangover should win this. And it does! Well-earned, gentlemen and ladies. Although it's weird that you guys were JUST on stage and then you took your seats and now you're getting back up again. This movie is very funny. I approve.

10:27 Commercials! I have no interest in the Winter Olympics and something on TV I wasn't really paying attention to just put the thought in my head that I'll never be in a relationship again. I'm alone and that's how it's gonna be. Wow, I really think I have a fever.

10:33 - Ahh-nold is here. He wants you to know why he's introducing Avatar. Actually this Cameron-connection is pretty clear without having to connect too many dots. It's not like trying to figure out the six degrees between Helen Mirren and Precious. We see a scene from Avatar that is not action packed which I think is playing against its strengths.

10:35 - Mickey Rourke looking... well odd for him would be normal. Best Actress Drama goes to Sandy Bullock. Dude she could win the Oscar. Streep will be nominated and the front-runner. but Bullock had TWO amazingly successful movies this year and Blind Side made over 200 million at the box office. So it could happen.

10:39 - Actor in A Musical/Comedy. RDJR wins for Sherlock Holmes!! This is all sorts of awesome, because when they announced his name as a nominee, I thought. Why is Sherlock Holmes not in the Oscar Race. i swear I thought it was better than An Education or A Serious Man or Avatar for that matter. I was gonna type that before he won but I got so confused by this strange woman was presenting and I have no idea who she is. I thought it was gonna be Kate Winslet or something but it was not. Ah well, fun speech RDJR!

10:44 - Commercials! We're almost done! Light at the end of the tunnel.

10:46 - Here's Kate Winslet! I knew she'd be on-hand. Who's gonna win for Best Male Drama. I liked George Clooney a lot in Up in The Air. But Jeff Bridges seems to be the front runner. Jeff Bridges wins! George could've just gone and set up the Haiti telethon and it would've have mattered. It's nice to see Jeff Bridges get some love and attention from the crowd. I now understand Meryl's T-Bone joke from earlier in the night. It's about the guy that accepted the Best Song Award. Thank you for clarifying, Jeff Bridges. JB actually thanked some awesome people, like his stand in. That's awesome.

10:51 - Commercials! The announcer assures us not to worry and that Avatar will be named Best Drama when we return. This eliminates all drama from the race for best drama.

10:55 - Julia Roberts is on stage, presumably still loving her life from the time she gave Denzel his Oscar. Avatar wins. But we knew that at 10:51 (if not earlier). I guess it doesn't matter if it wins the Oscar. I just could go without another opportunity for Cameron to speechify.

10:59 - Gervais plugs his show on HBO (which looks awesome) and we're out on time! Only because Alec Baldwin wasn't there to make a speech. Thank you, Alec Baldwin. Thank you.

11:00 - The announcer babbles for a while about how all the results were verified, but no ones really listening so maybe he says the whole show is rigged. Everyone's making for the exits. It's over! This was fun! Let's do it again next year. Minus the fever.

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

this is useless.

SuperOTM said...

thanks, vampire!