Dear New Shows of The Fall TV Line Up,
This isn't gonna be easy, so I'm just gonna rip the band aid off quick. I'm breaking up with you. I know, I know. You're confused. You're shocked. Maybe even a little angry. I know what you're going to say: I haven't even given you a chance yet. It's true. Just trust me when I tell you it's not you. It's me.
I've been thinking about this for a while, and I just can't make any new commitments right now. There's a lot going on in my life, and I really need to sort it out before I go adding any more shows to my DVR queue. I'm already behind as it is. Here we are at the Season 3 premiere of Mad Men, and the Season One box set is still looking at me longingly from atop my entertainment center. Maybe I'll catch up with some of you in the winter of 2011, when Netflix figures out a way to deliver your programming straight into my brain, but right now the timing is just off for us.
I know you want to blame Reality TV for monopolizing my time, but that's not fair. It's not trying to "control me" as you've suggested. It's not my fault that I enjoy several shows that refuse to go to Cancellation Heaven, so I find myself watching Survivor: Season 53 or The Amazing Race 21. I like these shows, they are familiar, even if they DO take up time. I don't have to spend the time and energy investing in a new TV relationship that might not work out. And unlike with scripted shows, when I record the reality ones, I can skip past the filler content as well as the regular commercials, allowing me to get through a 2 hour show like Biggest Loser in under 40 minutes. American Idol can be watched in under 20!
You also have this misfortune of launching at a time when typically non-fall shows like So You Think You Can Dance and Project Runway are coming back to the airwaves. That can add up to 5 additional hours of TV a week for me! How can you be expected to compete with that? Quite simply, you cannot. And it's not like I won't be cutting back on what I used to watch as it is. For instance, I'm sure I would enjoy ANTM's Short Bitches Edition, but I'm gonna make a clean break there. Because it's a stupid show... they shouldn't have fired Paulina. So it's not all about Reality TV as you'd like to believe.
Look, New Shows, just forget me. In time your wounds will heal. There are other viewers in the sea. Viewers who will appreciate you for what you have to offer: Vampire Diaries, Tough-As-Nails Nurses, First Responders, Alien Invaders, the list goes on an on. I wish you all the best in the future. Take care of yourselves. Please don't call.