Thursday, July 30, 2009

Here Lies My Productivity: Mafia Death Poems

We're back playing Facebook Mafia! After an extended break, we've dipped our toes back into the extremely immersing world of online murder mystery. The game is more addictive ever now that we've figured out how to play from handheld devices. Every time someone dies in the game, I write them a little death poem. I've written well over one hundred mafia poems over the course of all our games. The game and the poems always take up a lot of my attention while I'm playing. The poems started out just as simple little "here lies" epitaphs, but they've grown into personal recaps of how each person played the game and how they came to die. Friends in the game really seem to enjoy them (which helps keep me alive, i think), and theysuggested I start saving them, so here are the ones from the game that just ended (i was a citizen and the maf won! boo!). They won't make a whole lot of sense to anyone who wasn't playing, but I like them, so I'm posting them. Enjoy! Long live, Town!

A moment of silence for Alicia II
As the new girl in town, wasn't much she could do.
It's trial by fire and the newbie got burned.
She'll be better off now for the lessons she's learned.
The town fears the unknown and fear leads to hate.
So we cast off the unknowns like so much dead weight.
It's a sad rite or passage, now she knows the score.
We hope that Alicia II comes back for more.

Ariel Rubin was shot dead on the throne.
If the brutality shocks you, you aren't alone.
Who attacks someone while they're in the loo?
Her murder's one insult. That location makes two.
Her hopes flushed away, her dreams circling the drains.
All that's left of her now: bullet-ridden remains.
The town is left guessing, not much to go on.
Should they consider that the slang word for toilet's The JOHN??

For a guy like John Behlmann this game's never easy
His charm and good looks just leave some townfolk queasy
As a Usual Suspect, he often gets picked
And almost as often the town has been tricked!
He has his defenders, of which I am one
But Fipp's swoop-in vote means game over - John's done.
In a style-less apartment, John dies unemployed.
His town-on-town murder leaves the mafs overjoyed.

Officer Fipp? Dude, what were you thinking?
It seems you were doing some on-the-job drinking.
You checked a maf first, but then let her live.
You save unchecked bajir with no reason to give.
You let your wife in on your on-going mission
based not on a check, but your own intuition
Now you are dead! There's no one to guide us!
with two stealthy mafs here who hope to divide us.
Still we honor your service as we lay you to rest.
Let his epitaph read: He did what he thought best."

Una LaMarche had accepted her fate
Even if it was one that she truly did hate
Oft she asked to the Heavens "is there no other way?"
But her life's work began at the end of the day.
She befriended the town then she killed them but quick
in such gruesome ways that her stomach got sick
she fought hard til the end and to mafs she stayed loyal.
Her execution has finally put an end to her toil.

Town Doctor Betsy had her license suspended
and all of a sudden her life was upended,
Her cop husband died, he slipped right through her fingers.
t'was a terrible loss and the grief here still lingers
she took up his mantle to expose all the fakes
she was a bit overzealous, but look at the stakes!
the maf got so nervous, they claimed her life too.
With no cop and no doc, what's the town left to do?
Thank you, sweet Betsy, for all that you've done.
I hope in the end we can tell you, Town won!

Bajir gets a poem but it's not like he needs it
I'd doubt that his ghost ever comes by and reads it
With each passing death, bajir said he would play.
"The rule is to vote? Yeah, i got it! Okay!"
But as the town scrambled, bajir wasn't there
he had visas, and travel. was there more? I don't care!
Since Bajir was no help, we though maybe's he's bad,
but that email proved fake, and the town has been had.
I'm really not bitter, it's not all bajir's fault.
drop his casket with the others and then seal up the vault.

Una wrote one herself that explored her tenure as maf which i thought was fantastic and so I'm including it as well.

Una was maf, against her own will
She was forced by the game to plot, lie, and kill
To make matters worse, she was joined by two ladies
Whose histories in the game made them quite shady
This trio of femmes fatales hatched a grand plan
Involving an elaborate fake cop tip-off scam
It was meant for Night 1 but Una was tired
She didn’t have the stamina for the groundwork required
They shot Ariel; they had hoped she was cop
But she was just a citizen, so the kill was a flop
The next day the ladies thought they did swell;
Without even helping, the town jumped on Behl
On Night 2 Una sent a suspicious email
Hoping to help get the town off her trail
Sadly for Una, copper Fipp snuffed her out
And Sadly for Fipp he was fed to some trout
Perhaps if Fipp had not confided in Bets
Una would have lived and maf would have no regrets
But it looks like the fight will go on to Day Four
And all the maf have to do is kill one innocent more.
For the record, Una hates being maf, as she’s said
But she’ll relish the victory, still, from the dead.

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