Monday, March 9, 2009

Let Sleeping Dogs Die

There are many things I love about my apartment. The size is good for me, the location is good for me, it’s within my ability to pay for it on my own. These are all great things! If there was one thing I could change about it, however, it would be that it would not be situated under an apartment that housed two insane dogs.

I hate the dogs that live above me. I hate them so much. I don’t always notice that they are there. They don’t bark constantly. But they choose to make their presence known at the randomest of times. They love to go completely crazy at 6:30am on a Sunday morning. They bark like crazy and I can hear their hellion paws scurrying all over my ceiling. Sometimes I want to throw open my window Elaine Benice-style and scream…

I feel like my upstairs neighbor does nothing to try to quiet them. So I also hate my upstairs neighbors. It must be much worse noise for the people who live next to them. It’s amazing to me that in desperation for some quiet, they haven’t broken into the barking dog apartment and killed every living thing inside. If someone did, and it went to trial, I would testify on behalf of the defense.

Sometimes I wish for the people above to me move, and sometimes I just wish for the dogs to die. I really have no preference as to which comes to pass as long as I no longer get waken up by them in the morning. Every once in a while the dogs will fight with each other, and there will be a terrible snarling noise and the heavy thudding on the ceiling of doggy-sized bodies get knocked around above me “Oh, good!” I think as I hear the noise. “One is finally killing the other one.” In my head, I envision one dog sinking its neck into the other. It’s a mortal wound, so the crazy snarling will be excused this one final time. In its death throws, Dog 2 somehow manages to scratch out the vocal cords of Dog 1. It’s not enough to kill Dog 1, but Dog 1 will never bark again. So after this final battle, one dog is dead, one can no longer make noise and Owen has some peace and quiet. And I think to myself, what a wonderful world.

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