10:58 - Probst, subtle as a hammer, gives a curt goodnight and a sharp wave and we're done. This ceremony was terrible, y'all. And there were lots of first time winners. Please pick ONE FUNNY PERSON to host the awards next year, and no more theme song medleys or monologues about dead air. Thanks for reading!
10:56 - Tom Selleck gets down to business. Mad Men wins Best Drama. Lost, I'm sure you came in a close second! It's nice that AMC gets a little recognition.
10:52 - You must ocver your arms MTM!! I cannot look at the screen. See, MTM? Betty White knows how to dress appropriately!! Comedy Series. 30 Rock's got the momentum... and the trophy! Maybe you'll have to promote it now NBC, since it won 4 major awards?? Please? Or Tina Fey can just keep winning awards and pimping the show from the podium. Whatever works.
10:50 - Haven't they been adequate tonight? LOL. Jeff Probst wins. Hooray for him. He wanted it the most. He knows the 5 hosts tanked.
10:46 - I tried to do handstands for you. For You-OOOOO-ouu!
10:40 - NO MORE BANTER! GET TO THE EFFING NOMINEES!I like all of these ladies. MLP has such dark eyes! Tina Fey wins! AWESOME. That almost makes up for the past two and half hours of lameness. Host of Reality Show. The one none of you have been waiting for. Jeff Probst really wants to win, he can barely play along in actual anticipation ! Oh well, at least they are making sure we know this category is totally bogus. After the break, indeed.
10:38 - Best Actor In A Drama Series with Keifer Sutherland. I don't watch any of these shows again, but House. I'm glad Bryan Cranston won, for all his years of work on Malcolm in the Middle. Here comes the play-off music. Life is unfair...
10:36 - Commercials. I can't believe George is gonna sleep with yet another of the female docs on Grey's Anatomy. Like he's some great prize.
10:29 - In Memoriam. Tim Russert is coming up! Oh dear, I'm not ready. Oh, George Carlin. You're great too.
10:25 - That jacket does you no favors, Candice Bergen! Who is gonna win best actor in a comedy season? Oh, thank god. Alec Baldwin. The Tony Shaloub curse is broken. You know what else is broken? Vanessa Williams's microphone. I can't hear what she's presenting! Well the screen tells me Lead Actress in a Drama goes to Glenn Close for Damages.
10:23 - Glenn Close in the house. What's she got to present? Lead actor in a miniseries/movie. Just give it to Paul Giamatti and let's close out the miniseries categories. And he wins. Hooray for him. His first nomination? That seems incredible!
10:16 - Writing for Drama. Go Angeli for BSG! Oh, sadness. It went to Madmen. I don't watch that show and I don't care what he has to say. It doesn't matter because Don Rickles ate up all his time!
10:13 - Here's Cynthia Nixon and Glenn... Someone... Outstanding Directing in a Drama Series. I don't watch a lot of the shows nominated here. But I do watch House and House won! Cool. Maybe that means Hugh Laurie will win.
10:08 - That was a mercifully long break. NPH and Kirsten Chenowith are here to present individual performance in variety show thingy. Who wins? Don Rickles, of course! He is old and alive and still funny! Tina Fey was a little bit robbed. On the beach with the jewelry signaling ships is a funny line. I'm glad the people didn't play him off. They could've tried.
10:01 - Sally Field. What's she talking about? Outstanding Miniseries. It's gotta be John Adams. And it is! It did receive 23 nominations after all. Forrest Gump reunion at the podium when Tom Hanks accepts for the team. The show heads once again to commercials. And I go for the tasty d-lite in my freezer.
9:56 - Don Rickles and Kathy Griffin! STAND! Let's read these funny lines they wrote for us! Don Rickles isn't gonna be put in a corner or read the prompter, people. Amazing Race wins best reality competition AGAIN. Six years running. It's the ONLY winner in this category EVER! Survivor and American Idol are spitting up blood right now.
9:53 - Howie Mandell... ugh.... MASH? Fine. Give an effing award and get ON WITH IT. Sandra Oh and Patrick Dempsey. Supporting Actress in a miniseries or movie. Wait, what did Laura Linney win? I thought she won this category an hour ago. Aileen Atkins won, but is not there to get played off the stage. Our loss.
9:48 - Writing for a Miniseries or Movie. John Adams wins. Great. The Emmys get political and patriotic. Vote, America. But put down the prunes. No time for speechifying! Commercials! They must REEALLY be behind schedule. It's the show's own fault for that stank opening.
9:44 - Colbert and Stewart! BRING IT! Prunes!! Directing a Miniseries or Movie. Recount? Adams? Recount! Jay Roach won earlier? Really? He didn't give a speech last time. Did he? I don't remember this.
9:42 - National Stay At Home Week is the stupidest promotional campaign I've ever heard of. CSI is a show I don't watch and don't care about. Larry Fishburne is cool though. This banter is painful! We're into the acting in miniseries and movie categories. Tom Wilkinson won supporting actor for John Adams. He's not here. No acceptance speech! Yay!!
9:40 - Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday. Saturday, Sunday, EveryDAAAAAY!
9:35 - Christian Slater is his own worst enemy when it comes to picking television pilots. Christina Applegate is awesome. Recount wins for outstanding made-for-tv movie. Great. Commercial? Commercials! YAY!
9:30 - We're back with Tom. He's showing a clip of West Wing. Here's Mr Sheen. Classy as always. Rock the vote. Now on behalf of the Academy of blah blah blah... don't mention the STRIKE(S)!!!
9:26 - Keep these commercial breaks coming. If i wasn't watching it live, i'd zip thru them, but the show is so bad, I'm happy not to have to pay attention.
9:23 - Angel is back with more nominees and more anger directed at the viewing audience. This is for comedy writing. Tina Fey wins! AWESOME. I am going to tell people I'm a writer now too. I will point to Legally Brown as Exhibit A.
9:19 - It's Angel and the Hills Girl. They will tell us who won at the Tech Emmys last week. Angel looks really pissed to be there. Kathryn Joosten is here for directing of a comedy series. Who could win? Pushing Daises!! YAY!! That's totally random and great. I really like that show.
9:15 - Laugh-In?? What the hell is going on? I don't understand this crap at all. Outstanding Variety, Music or Comedy Series. Daily Show. THANK YOU! Let's move it along please.
9:13 - Stop bothering me with Opportunity Knocks, JD Roth, and bring me another season of Endurance. Now.
9:06 - That crap went on for 5 minutes. I am stunned and nauseous. Save me Alec Baldwin. Lead Actress in a Mini-Series? Who cares? Laura Linney can take it for John Adams. Oh, she did! Well whaddayaknow? She's kinda got a neat dress on. I haven't noticed many dresses tonight. Are we at commercials again? Thank goodness.
9:01 - We're back with Josh Groban. Oh effing God. He's doing the medley. WHY???? NOOOOOOOOO!!! Butchering all of my favorites. Thanks.
8:58 - Commercials. I've seen this Tina Fey Amex commercial many many times and it's still funnier to me than anything said by any of tonight's 5 hosts. I'm offened by how unprepared they are to run this show.
8:53 Tommy Smothers is onstage looking old, but spry. Freedom of hearing. Freedom of speaking. I like him. The announcer just said Josh Groban is waiting in the wings. WHY??? If this is connected to the theme song tribute I might shoot myself.
8:49 - Don't effing play off Colbert, and then stick me with Howie Mandell and Jeff Probst. I hate these two more than ever right now. They are too in love with the sounds of their own voices. They come off as such amatures. And here comes Steve Martin as another example of a presenter who has more funny in his left pinky than in the 5 hosts of this awards show put together. He's talking about Smothers Brothers. I'm going to get more juice.
8:45 - Scary Haired Gost Whisperer and the girl with almost my last name announce writing for a variety, comedy or sometihng or other. Colbert Report wins!! I'm pleased. i was saying earlier today that the writing of The Word segment alone deserved an Emmy. That thing is very clever and very nimble and they do it night after night. Not an easy feat. I love you Stephen Colbert.
8:43 - Conan and supporting actress in a drama series. Conan makes a relevant Katherine Heigl joke that might be a little easy. Diane Weist wins? Wow, Katherine steps out of the way for her castmates and they don't even win.
8:38 - Once again saved by commercials.
8:31 Ricky Gervais!! Awesome. Thanks for that! Oh, but don't introduce clips of winning speeches! We'll have enough of these in the ACTUAL SHOW! Look at his stupid face. LOL Give me the Emmy. Finally, something funny. Thank you, Ricky Gervais. Outstanding Driecting in a comedy or variety or something or other. The Academy Awards won. The producer is also doing the emmys and complains that Gervais went long. GERVAIS WENT LONG?? Let him host next year, chumps.
8:26 - Wow, we're back with a hard cut. Tom and Heidi. Saying NOTHING!!! Please stop this madness. Desperate Housewives. Here come all the ladies. Everyone looks pretty great. Best Supporting Actor in a Drama. Come on, Michael Emerson!! Please no William Shatner. Let's give it a rest for a year. Zeljko won for Damages! I don't watch that show, but I'm pleased a first timer won. Maybe we won't get another Tony Shaloub win after all.
8:25 - Are you shitting me with this Lee Golberg Eyewitness News Commercial? You suck, ABC.
8:18 - Julia Louis-Dreyfuss. Telling an actually funny joke about the emmys and looking cute in that pink dress! Oh, best supporting actress in a comedy! This is one category where I like everyone. I would be thrilled for Amy, Kristin or Jean. Jean Smart won! Wow, I'm surprised but not displeased. I think she's great. If they're gonna play off the winners they need to play off the effing hosts who have bombed everytime they've been on stage. And it's only been on for 22 minutes! Thanks god we're mercifully at commercials again.
8:16 - We're back with Tom Bergeron and Ryan. Oh Joy. Oh Bliss. They are on the Seinfeld diner set. And now the clip from The Contest. Awesome. Clips shows within awards shows.
8:13 - While we all enjoy this Macy's commercial, i'm gonna get my dinner set up.
8:10 - Amy and Tina! Thank god actually funny people doing an almost-funny bit. Best supporting actor to... Jeremy Piven. Three years in a row. Oh, this is a bad sign that the Emmy Voters are on cruise control. It should have been NPH! Oh, but at least he acknoweldged the sucktastic nature of the opening. There's a tribute to THEME SOMGS coming up? Sweet wounded Jesus.
8:04 - I HATE these people. I enjoy Heidi Klum the most because she is not saying anything. And she is taller than the rest of them. This is the worst bit I've ever seen. How'm I gonna get through the whole night. Denny Crane. I love you. Please don't be on stage again tonight
8:01 - Oprah! What is she doing here? She is talking. The cast of Grey's Anatomy is listening. What is she DOING here? Say something that's not just words in random order. Her breasts are VERY large right now. Glen Close doesn't know what Oprah is talking about but remains posed. Wait, she's introducing the hosts? So she said nothing of any substance or relevance. This is gonna be a long night.
WELCOME TO THE LIVE BLOG! This awards show is gonna suck i'm sure, but I'm here bringing it to you LIIIVE! I haven't typed and watched TV since the demise of Step It Up And Dance On Gene Kelly's Grave, so we'll see how it goes. I alread missed the very beginning because I was getting dinner. This is how we roll!