Thursday, April 3, 2008

Shut Your Face And Dance!

Congrats to Holly for becoming American's Next Big Supermodel. Or whatever the title is.

I have a huge headache right now. It feels like a railroad spike is being driven down through my skull to the center of my brain. But my boss is passing kidney stones today. Who is in more pain? You decide. (He is, but throw some sympathy my way anyhow.)

Now on to Step It Up And Dance, which I affectionately call "Shut Your Face and Dance!" because it is my hope that there will be less chatter and more tappa tappa tappa on this show. This is my first attempt to blog in real time. We'll see what happens. I don't understand how this show will be different from "So You Think You Can Dance?" that joyful fizzy drink of a reality competition show on Fox. Since they will not have Cat Deely as emcee, the producers made a great choice in hiring a Saved By The Bell alumna. Elizabeth Berkley, no less! I hope they show footage from "Go For It!" to legitamize her inclusion in the proceedings. Hilariously, and perhaps passive-aggressively? VH1 is showing Showgirls at the same time! Just one channel over! I will be flipping back and forth during commercials to let you know what crazy shennanigans Nomi is up to. You know you want to know.

Here we go!

Berkley on a rooftop! She is explaining the premise. 12 Dancers are going to dance... they can win 100,000 dollars... they are dancing in LA. Here come the title credits! They are a little like the Britain's Next Top Model Credits, with people on billboards. There's more of a disco beat behind it though... it's certainly gay enough for Bravo.

So the dancers get out of cab's in LA. Who can tell what there names are. One is a go go dancer. There's a girl nicknamed Mochi. She has been in Lion King since 2001. Oy. There's a straight guy who wants to be Kevin Bacon, there's a broadway dance guy who has been in several shows.

They meet EB and Jerry Mitchell, who will be their Dance Mentor. He's their Tim Gunn. The dancers immediately freak out over Nomi. EB gives them the infamous Nomi hands because how could she not? Give the public what they want! The dancers also reference her dancing on Saved By The Bell which makes me like them all already.

They introduce more dancers. One has never danced professionally. Another one has other issues. Who knows? We're moving along fast, people. They are going out tonight to dance at a club and drink. There is boozing, there is free-style dancing, there is smack talk. I immediately like Janelle the hip hop dancer, and notice one of them looks like a homeless Prince. There is simulating humping on a bar with a shirtless European.

EB stops the debauchery. Psych! The first challenge has already begun, they introduce Jamie King who is choreographing Celine's new tour. He is gonna watch them dance to all different styles of dancing. Everyone starts spazzing the hell out. Janelle is great fun. No one else stands out. One girl is wearing boots not made for dancing. Well then she is a dumbass. You're on a dance show on Bravo! You will always have to dance anywhere you go! He splits them off into two couches as they perform in little groups. Cool kids on one. Spazs on the other. The cool kids cannot be eliminated. Janelle's group turns out to be the cool kids!

Commercials: Nomi is stripping and Kyle is watching all hornily. Nomi is out of her dress and is writhing on the pole. And the nudity is cut out. Boo!

We're back with the Spaz Group. They are introduced to Dance Captains RJ and Nick. The Spaz Group has to learn some routine for judging the next day. Two gay guys who do not seem to be in the Spaz group declare themselves the Mean Girls. We'll see if that amounts to anything.

The Cool Kids are competing to win immunity for next week, since they are all already immune this week. There is the learning of steps. They are dancing to spice girls. I'm already a little bored by this show.

The Spaz group is up. They're not so good. This is as I feared and there is too much talking and not enough Dance. Boots girl is hurt. She is in tears. She is going to the hospital! Will she return in time? Eh. We'll see. Where's EB??

Commercials. Nomi looks...puzzled. She has returned home to see Molly. She has an audition. With Tony Moss! Nomi is ripping her shirt off and running back into the line. Whatever dirty thing she says to him is redubbed to be nothing. Nomi is dancing! Nomi makes the cut! Woohoo!

Back to the show, The Spaz Group is not getting better. The Cool Kids go up to the main stage. They have to do the choreography plus two counts of 8 of freestyle. Everyone's minds are blown despite the fact they just did this and succeeded in the first round.

The hurt girl quits. She says goodbye. Everyone else is thrilled she's out of the competitiion. One step closer to winning. There are a bunch of other judges. And Mel B. shows up! She is a second guest judge. EB looks really good you guys. She's the best thing on this show.

It's time for the winning group performance. Spice Up Your Life plays and plays. They are not so bad. Jessica freaks the hell out and runs off stage. The judges give notes and then deliberate - with the dancers right in front of them! I like that. Feels very auditiony. Janelle and James get the best praise, and Janelle wins the challenge! Woohoo! So she gets immunity for NEXT week's show as well. Good for her. Up next, the Spaz Group dances to stay alive!

Commercials. Nomi quits stripping! She's in Goddess. At the Stardust! She won't be back! Nomi is beating down the door of James. He's not happy about her show, but he's sleeping with some other girl. Nomi is HURT. She leaves after saying something that gets dubbed out.

We're back. EB is very no-nonsense about letting them know this might be there lsat chance to show the judges what they can do. This group dance is much worse than the first one. Once again, the song goes on and on. The freestyle portion stinks.It's not surprising when you think that there first freestyle is what got them in the bottom in the first place. "Great Job!" lies EB.
Cody, the broadway boy, gets the best praise. There are several in this group that were no good.
Tovah and Oscar in particular, also Adrianna. The judges throw their asses up for elimination.

Commercials. Commercials! Nomi has her own problems and is taking a breather on both channels.

So we're back, and who's going home? Adrianna. As EB says "show's over!" She takes it in stride. Sweet girl. Peace out! They show clips from the season. Pretty much what you expect to happen on a Bravo show, looks like it will happen on this one. It looks like the art of the actual dance will not be taking center stage here. Oh well! There's always SYTYCD and Dancing with the Stars for that. If i keep watching, looks like I will be saying Shut Your Face, a whole lot more than I was planning to.

I'm too tired to edit! The End!

1 comment:

Vanessa said...

That guy DOES look like a homeles Prince; I thought so, too. And did you realize that Jessee Spanno's BF is the one hosting yet another dance show? (America's Best Dance Crew). Conversely, geeky Screech is fat and proving it on national television.