Thursday, April 10, 2008

Shut Your Face and Dance, Again!

A shout out to Michael Johns who got eliminated from Idol tonight. He went before his time. Archuleta remains dead to me for biffing the lyrics to Seasons Of Love. Although to be honest, I have a hard time remembering the real lyrics from those from Forbidden Broadway's version.

So I'm gonna try to do this in real time again. Let's see if I catch more names this time around. Once this is over, i can treat myself to an All-New 30 Rock!! Woohoo!!

Previously: welcome, challenge in the night clubs. Cool Kids and Spazzes. Crybaby runs off stage. Janelle won the Challenge of the Cool Kids. The Show was over for Adriana.

Let the Gay Credits Roll!

At the apartments: Nudity in the kitchen. Unsanitary! Jessica is the name of the crazy girl who ran off the stage last week. She can't understand why people think she's unstable and not ready for this!! Hmm... why indeed. The dancers get a note that they have to wear their most provactive dance wear to the next challenge. Everyone expects stripping... er, exotic dancing. EB is there looking professional, Jerry Mitchell is hip casual. They are watching some provocative dance group, le fluer de sonce? i'm guessing based on sound. Oh wait, there it is on screen... i spelled it wrong. Not going back! The dancers claim what they are seeing is very scandalous, but... I don't see it. I've seen worse in everything from music videos to broadway.

The challenge is to dance a "Opache" I don't think i understood the word correctly. It has to do with a pimp getting the crap beaten out of him by his whores. They have an hour to learn the choreography and then they will be split into Cool Kids and Spazzes again.

Up first Cody and Jessica. Cody looks good enough in a vanilla sort of way. Jessica is still crazy.

Nick and Tovah, Spazzes from last week. It looks weird.

Oscar and Mochi, Not bad.

Michael and Janelle. She is wild and technical!

Miguel and Mochi. Not great. Miguel does not partner!

James and Janelle. James is very gay. But seems into Janelle.

They split them into two groups, but who are the cool kids and who are the spazzes? We don't know. They won't tell them to tomorrow! Everyone looks uneasy. Jessica freaks out. She wants to go home. Let her! She's weak. Jerry tries to convince her to stay. Why? It must just be a numbers thing. They want to eliminate her on their own terms!

Commercials: Who cares about these? But on tuesday there was a teaser commercial for the next season of American Gladiatiors with Titan stalking the streets of manhattan with a jousting stick, ready to go all Cloverfield on our asses. May 12th! I can't wait!

We're back. it's 8pm. Cody cathes us up on the situation. French guest judge tells them they are creating their own characters for the opache? i still don't know that word. Cody tries to contribute a lot to his group. Tovah doesn't want to be a prostitute! Oscar is a prostitue abuser. He will give 300%. 100% should be sufficient. Nick doesn't really dig Cody taking charge.

Time is running out! French judge looks kinda exasperated. Jerry councils them to think about the story. Story! Story! Story! Not just steps. James thinks there is not enough time for this. Michael is Bi, in case you didn't know, and wants his character to wind up with a guy. Jessica is on the outside of the group and no one will let her in! People, don't play yourselves! Create characters! Miguel is flailing about and is very weird. He will definitely play someone who is weird and it will be SO original. James wants to challenge him to be very macho and manly. Jerry thinks they have lots of lovely stories but it doesn't add up to anything.

At the apartments, Oscar refuses to put on clothes. Are people gonna rehearse or drink? Who is in which group? Oh the tension!

Commercials: I would like to take this opportunity to say that I saw a teaser for the new season of So You Think You Can Dance ealier this week and then the alums totally rocked the opening of Idols Gives Back last night. Those kids are awesome. I downloaded there number off of itunes and watched it many times on my subway trips to and from work today. that show is better than this show. How are we still inside the commercial break??

We're back. James and Miguel are Sistahs. Oscar is doing this competition for his mother who has liver cancer. Time for rehearsal again! Apashe Dance? What is that word?? We're about to find out who are spazzes and who are cool kids. Janellle is with the spazzes! Boo! But she has immunity. Time for hair and make-up.

Tovah has boobs and hates her body. She's a true dancer. Jessica fears for her mental stability and so do I.

Dance Time. EB is back ruling the judging table. EB goes over the rules of what the dancers were supposed to create for the benefit of the other judges. It's time for the cool kids to dance and see who wins immunity for next week. they start to dance! It's all about violence against whores. I actually don't think this is bad, aside from the really bizarre music... that i'm realizing might be appropriate for some soft core porn sex scenes. And this comes very close to that, so i guess it's appropriate. EB and the judges really dug this routine and it was pretty strong. EB hits tovah's i hate my body feeling right on the head, telling her she doesn't have to apologize for her awesomeness. Nick should have done more! Cody was fab.

The judges deliberate. They are having a hard time reaching agreement on a winner. But EB pulls them together! Who wins? Cody or Oscar? Oscar! He is thrilled and relieved that he has climbed so high from last week. The Cool Kids leave and the Spazzes take the stage. One of them will be cut after this dance! Woohoo!

Commercials! I am going to get a snack. I have enough time! One Reese's peanut butter cup is 110 calories. so only eat one a day!

We're back. Spazzes on stage. Miguel is set to prove he's not a fag. his words not mine. The porn music is back in full force. This one is worse than the first dance. Seriously, why is Janelle in this group? The judges clap, but i think they hate it. They don't need to try so hard to impress! Janelle was sloppy. Michael needs to "step it up and COMPETE!" James was not good either. They loved Jessica! The other dancers are pissed. Who should go home? James: Michael. Miguel also says Michael. Janelle also ALSO says Michael. She can't give a good reason though, besides siding with the people who were asked before her. Jessica loudly asks the judges if she has to say? The judges are not impressed with her ridiculous response. She jumps on the Michael boat. Michael is all "whatevs, i'm not picking one of these bitches."

The Judges deliberate. They don't like the pile-on for Michael. They don't like Janelle. The three boys all are at about the same level. James can't dance like a man. Miguel cannot shut his face and dance, and i've always said not saying more than you should is a huge part of staying in these competitions.

Commercials: EB was not in today's episodes of Saved By The Bell. They are currently showing the junior high episodes. Yesterday was SBTB: Hawaiian style and she did do a convincing Hula.

We return. Miguel, Michael and James. One will be eliminated. Michael is safe. BUT next week he'll have to pull off a miracle to stay. So it's down to the sistahs. James is too much a girl and Miguel is too much a weirdo. The Show is over for James. He must pack his dance belt and go. But not before he dances his last dance. I think the dance out is very weird on this show and i'm totally distracted from what he's saying in the voice over. I'll assume he's gonna keep on dancing and wants us to know we haven't seen the last of him. But on this show? We have.

Next week: Takin' it to the streets! None of these kids are street dancers so it should be joyously disastrous.

Daily Show and 30 Rock here I come!

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